Along with you

I am not the most patient nor easy person in the world to deal with. I am a fast mover and very quick at my feet. This is not only a good thing but could be a dangerous thing to. I am very impulsive but I do think as I am moving ahead in my life. 

There are many things I love about you and many things I don't like about you but I know I can manage the dislikes because your care to our family is more than anything that I could ask for. You are a selfless person always there for me. For you family comes first. 

I want to grow old with you happy and content. I have shared my views of life with you. How I want to live and retire with you. I hope and need that happen in our life. Hope you share the same dream as me. 

Life is hard. But what makes it exciting is that it is challenging. I found my love after a very long search. There were so many ups and downs in the search. I learned a bit on the search. I understood the search is a different shoe for different age groups. That's for another time. 

I finally found my husband to share my life with. Someone to share the scenes and thoughts with. It feels awesome. I don't feel lonely that way. 

There are also people who says when you stop trying to look for someone you will unexpectedly find it. This is BS is what I will say. Seek and you shall find is what I will go with. 

Again philosophy is great to hang on the wall but when applying in life do ingest it with a pinch of salt. 

I love my man and respect him because he values me. You make me feel important. You make me feel good about myself and us. I learn everyday new things from you. Your patience,  persistence, love and respect for me. Everything is new to me. Everyday I learn more good things with you. 

You brought a lot of changes to my life. There are so many things I have learned about myself. Good things. I am a better person today because of you. You did not change me but helped me realize the goodness in me and makes me a better person everyday. I am able to appreciate myself more today than yesterday. 

Lots of love to my husband Tim Chirdon. 

My Children 2

 Making most of your given time. In my eyes and view point every living being is here to procreate and to move their species forward. There are no other destined purpose for anyone that in my life that I have seen. It is our duty to find something purposeful to make our life worthwhile and to look forward to each day to carry out what we have decided to do. This brings meaning to our life. 

note: I mentioned we are here to procreate but please be responsible. I know a few people who consider themselves successful by the number of kids they can produce but please don't be one of them. Children are a life time wonderful commitment so make sure to be responsible to take care of them and you should have the means, time and wisdom to take this on yourself else don't have children. 

Learn early in life what and who you are. It is not that difficult. From your childhood you will know what you really like to do other than being lazy or whiling away your time. As humans we are like trees. We don't like to do much. So be mindful of this urge. Keep yourself calm and know your mind. There will be things you will always know you like and want to pursue. Evaluate your urges. See how they weigh on your present and future. Let me make this very simple. Say you enjoy music and is thinking of pursuing this as a career. Then find out what you like about music. Do want to learn an instrument? Do you want to pursue singing. How good do you think you are? How good you think others think you are? And how much you long to pursue this? How can you successfully make a living out of this? Do you feel this will keep you passionate for a long time? Make a plan B just in case. In life there should always be an emergency exit. These are steps to take when deciding a career. However to pursue something you like to keep as hobby go ahead and work on things you enjoy. 

I digress. So find what makes you happy physically and emotionally and then keep working at it. Don't idle yourself. 

Make the best of the given technology. Education in today's world is very cheap. You can get that from anywhere however social skill can only be learned by being part for a community such as a school where you don't get to choose a lot such as the characters you will be interacting. This will mold your character to build you up for your future. Here you will learn to know your stand and how to behave in different situation without forgetting who you are. 

Don't be anxious for anything. Don't stress out a lot. In life that is not worth much and you will lose you time in life if you do that. Learn very early in life to make the best of time. When you are young in age you will think you have a long way but as an older person I can tell you time in life is not enough. And there is a lot to explore. Wasting time worrying about things is not worth it. 

So now back to making the most of your time. How? First thing to do is respect time. It is a one of the most valuable gift you have been given in life. Get up as early as possible to get the best of the day. Take time to enjoy your surroundings. Appreciate and respect life around you and every where. Do not engage in things that you cannot relate to and do not get involved with anyone that you do not find compatibility with. In unavoidable situation do indulge much with them, just do you work and move forward. Have a hand in making mother earth last longer in all its glory. Enjoy the best of the sun as much as you can. Find your desires that you want to work on for the day and do that. Do not procrastinate. Be the master of your mind. Make it your slave and let it work for you. End the day with sunset. Never forget to enjoy a good night sleep. 

Look at life as a sunshine. Smile and welcome it. It will treat you well. That is how the universe is. Know life wont be easy but even then universe will give you hope and happiness if you treat her well. 

My children - 1

 I have two wonderful kids. A girl and a boy. There is a 17 year difference between the two. I love these two with all my heart and soul. I live for these ones. 

You must use all of your life. Life is hard but that is what makes it sweet and a journey. Make the most of it because from my shore its very short and time runs quickly. Like ice cream. You must devour it before it melts. It is so beautiful. Don't mess it up. 

You must make a plan as young as possible and know the plan. Assess the plan. Make changes along the way to adjust as needed. Plans will sometimes change but that is okay. Life is not perfect but the idea of making a plan for yourself is that you are not dwelling the dark of life or making others make the decision for you. 

Always dream and act big. Make your dreams a reality. Make sure to dream of things you are willing to put effort to achieve. Day dreaming for pleasure is ok but don't make that your profession or life's purpose. 

Know money is important so make that as much as you can. Later if you think you don't want it or if it is no use to you then donate to a good cause. Don't divert to corrupt means to make this because at the end of the day you will caught by yourself or someone else. 

In life first thing is health. Then comes wealth. Followed by fulfilling your thirst for whatever that makes you feel whole. 

Aim big. Don't cut yourself short in anyway. Don't say negative things to yourself such as you are not good or this is a failure. Imagine someone else telling you this. When you say these to yourself the mind without your knowledge is going to make this your reality. Appreciate yourself always even in your failure. 

Learn to be confident. This happens when you learn to appreciate yourself and set yourself up for success. Involve in things that you know you can be successful in and put your whole self to it. Learn thing you think you want to try out. 

Don't waste your time trying to please others. Respect everyone but keep them outside your fence. You don't have to be others hero but learn to be your hero first. 

Life is too short so try to do the best at what you can and leave the rest. 

Don't be too nice. Nice people cause the most accidents on the road. Be wise. Be sharp. 

Learn early and apply life lessons fast. 

Your youth is very important to you. Make sure you start planning your life just then. Don't wait for later. 

Don't call yourself poor or try to remain in poverty. Poor will always be poor. Learn to always climb out of it. 

Don't settle for less. If you think that is happening to you then get out of it. Its your life and no one else's. 

In life you cannot satisfy everyone. Sometimes it will hurt others but that is okay but never hurt someone purposefully to hurt them. 

Learn to succeed in all endeavors. If you fail in some that is okay use that learning as a stepping stone to the next milestone. 

Sometimes some paths you take may not be for you. Don't spend too much time on that path. Learn to acknowledge this and move to the next path. 

I don't believe in try try and try unless you really want it. Try twice and if this is not for you take a look at something that may be for you. This does not mean to quit easily. Use your judgement. Here what I mean is some people may not have a talent in singing like really bad even after studying this a lot. They keep trying to succeed here without understanding that they cant sing well. Its your job to recognize what you are early and make use of it. 

I want you to go to higher levels of education in all walks. I don't expect an Einstein out of you. But a good social creature able to make use of time and find happiness as a by product. 

Don't waste your time. I am not expecting you to be preachers that says "God saved me from my wretched life" after living in wretchedly. 

Don't waste time searching for happiness its always relative to what your doing. You pass an exam you are happy you get married you are happy you finish something you are happy. So stop making happiness as your goal.  

Children are a blessing

Children are a blessing. The question is what makes someone eligible to have and bring up kids? There is so much that goes into bringing up a successful human being. Parenting should be a privilege just like a drivers license. You don't get to drive legally without an active license that you received after proper training. This does not mean we are all perfect parallel park experts still better than the ones without any driving lessons taking a car out into the main busy road. If a small thing like driving needs a license, drinking has an age limit, why not having kids? 

Some people are desperate to increase the count of kids they have. Its really surprising. Many of them cannot even afford proper food or buy clothes for the little ones.

I love kids. They are so adorable especially ones own. The peace and happiness raising them cannot be compared to any other. If I could I would love to keep having wonderful babies.  I don't have the means to take care of them. Money does not grow on trees. I am a parent who needs to see her kids through college and life as much as I can. Can you afford the college fee or are you going to depend on financial aid which is paid by other citizens to the govt. That money should go to people who actually need it. Our kids are our life time commitment. They need love and more. 

We should be responsible for the little ones. We should have an idea of what we can do to help them grow well in the society. Food and shelter alone is not enough for kids. They need protection, food, shelter, clothing, quality time with parents and there are many more expenses for these little ones if you are trying to bring them up to live in the main society!

Hopefully and prayerfully our children grow up to help the society, assist in helping goodwill and other organization for the helpless and not have to depend on these institutes for their living. 

Its amazing to have kids. They are so much fun. So I understand why we love having more of these little beautiful blessings. They bring peace and calm to most minds. I can say this for me.  However having kids because of these does not make any sense when you cannot easily clothe yourself. 

Finding meaningful love later in life

Can love be anything but meaningful? I am confused about love. When I see my husband and my kids my heart overflows. I will do all that I can for these ones. I pray everyday for these blessings. I don't take them for granted at all. Waited years to find my husband. Lots of prayer, searching, yearning and then finally met this wonderful person whom I truly get lost in.
It really is very difficult to find love at any age but it becomes really tough once you are well established in life. You path changes, your vision changes, and you are very independent. You are not the same person as your 20s. Everyone is set in their ways. When you find the one, you will cherish it with all your heart because now you know you don't have that much time left with each other and each second you want more and more.

Dating - A never ending loop?

The most loneliest time in my life was when I was married to someone whom I had no chemistry or connection with. Both of us, wonderful people yet we could not connect in any shape or form even after trying for 7 plus years. I can say this from my side for sure.  Mine was an arranged marriage where my situation was louder than choice. In no way I feel arranged marriages are wrong. For each their ways!


Being divorced for a long time and lonelier for even longer, I had a little bit of time at hand to learn what I really need from a relationship. I feel confident that I know better now than 25 years ago. If I did not learn any better on what I am looking for in my companion then let a lightening strike me down.


When I looked for a relationship, I asked myself few things -
Can I make myself be the one for him without altering the Me rather developing a better person in me?
Do I like him enough to call him the love of my life?
Can I stand by his side when he needs me?
Will I look down on him?
Can I make him a better person for himself?
Does ego play any part in the relationship?
Will I be able to live with his negatives and how can I help?


Of-course this is not a one way street. This is something I forget at times!
I have learned the hard way that it requires two people together to put in the effort towards the same goal - to need and to want the relationship to work and last. I think this is a huge commitment. Remember the phrase that is said in weddings, "for better or for worse"? Earlier I did not know the weightage this phrase carried nor what it is to be in a relationship. As a younger me I took relations very lightly. Mostly because as a kid your brain does not much analyze all this but it is the twists and turns in my life and the experiences that taught me the value of human companionship the hard way. For me no friend can replace my love. If I could portray this, it would be like a zoomed image one side vs. shrinking image in another. This does not mean I do not value friendship nor have I changed my lifestyle or Friendships in anyway to accommodate him.


The only constant in life is change. The journey includes all kinds of interesting aspects. People change somewhere along the way. No matter what the change is, it is the two people in the relationship that makes it work. I think above love is respect and revere for the other. The realization and the commitment that you are together responsible for the relationship to work is what carries it successfully to the other end.
So I think entering into a relation is a conscious effort from both sides, once there is that ease between each other. I don't think there is any magic or mantra after that, that would make one realize this is the person you are destined to be with. Its a conscious choice, period.


I believe in God, so I do take it to the altar. Again its the two people and their choice.


A relationship is like a fingerprint. As of today as I write this, I have no knowledge of two different fingerprint being ever alike normally. There are so many Gurus trying to box relationships, giving rules and recommendations, interpretation and solutions on relationship but no one can actually give you a good answer because of the uniqueness each relationship forms. I have wasted several hours of my life watching these videos. I can tell one thing, they are helpful in understanding what others have gone through but I know mine is unique to me and my significant other and I am sure its the same with you too.


Now to that actual topic - time in dating.
I told my man, if we can't get married after a year, then we should just call it quits. I think he agrees too. (Yes, I freak out in head when I hear the word marriage because it triggers all anxiety in my head because I failed once but If I love someone I want to make that commitment. I am sure he feels same about marriage. It is a scary business but a sweet one when two people wants to make it work and are willing to take steps to make sure it lasts.)


Years of waiting to see different seasons in a person then trying to apply the return policy. This is just wrong in my books. Now different people have different goals in relationship. Some people do not want to get married, I am perfectly cool with that but make sure both partners feel the same way else you are just destroying someone else's life.

I am not a fan of dating around. Dating should be a venue to understand the other and not dissect one. There is nothing that can guarantee anything in life. I believe once you feel the connection with your significant other, then it is 'your choice' to make the relation work.


I don't believe in a set time limit, a magic number or a set of action in dating that screams its time to plunge in or out.
How much are you willing to put up with in a relation?
I do not believe in testing time or character in a never ending dating loop of seasons.
Are you short circuited to take that long to make the call? or Is it just that you are scared to take that step?
[Now there are liars out there. This blog does not apply to them. If someone is faking it, then I don't know what to say. I would also be totally devastated and lost if that happened to me too. Some are such experts in this field that they can continue the act for ages. I don't know what is the solution for this. Been there, its heart breaking.]


As a living being it takes only seconds to feel a vibe with another. If two people are not faking it then it should not take years and years to see where things would lead to. The final say is, do you know your goal together when it comes to the relation? If the goals don't match then no matter how much time you give, you are never going to make it. Even if you make it, it is going to be short lived or you are going to live in misery for the rest of your life.


Wishing us all the best.

Unconditional yet Conditional - Love

I am a person who falls in love easily.  {is it? Not true you lied}
I live life with a passion. I love most things about my life.


My life at times sucks and I feel terrible and I may not know how to handle things at the moment. Then again I pick myself up and start again. I love the gift of life the Almighty has given me. Every single cell of mine is perfectly created by the Universe. Every single event in my life seems to be protected somehow. I don't know how to word it, maybe in another blog.


Since I fall in love easily that means I would fall out of love easily too. At-least is this not the law of the nature, "Every action (force) in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction"?
- { Maybe it is infatuation.}


But one thing I know now is how much life has taught me about love, its meaning and how lonely it is to be missing romance in life. It took me years to understand and change myself. Make myself worthy to invite someone into my life. {Since I was not much trying to grasp the essence, the universe just did the job for me. }


As a younger person I had no clue what is love and what it is like to be loved. What it means to share love with another. I just thought like everything, it is a given. It's free. It's everywhere. Boy was I wrong!


I am compassionate and care for every living being. That has always been me. I do not believe I have permanently wished bad on anyone in my life. Yes when I get hurt I feel angry on the moment but I don't believe I ever hated the individual for long.


I knew from childhood I would do most everything for my sister. I don't think anyone would have dared to hurt her. If she would hurt I would hurt more than her. If there was anything bad I would rather have that than her. I always wanted and still wants the best for her and I am sure this will be me till my last breathe. Then came my daughter, the tiny helpless little creature laying by my side wrapped in white clothes looking at me with a wide eye, full of smile and need. Taking care of my child was the most difficult/confusing thing I have ever done. Guess I made it. She is 15 now.


My failed marriage taught me a lot in a very good way.  This is what must have made me realize the meaning of romantic love, experience the feeling of loneliness and analyze the meaning of loving someone and to be loved. What it means to simply LOVE. Loving someone unconditionally yet with a condition to acknowledge my love. { Love to be gifted with paintings from my daughter. I would hate it if she spends money and gets me anything however expensive as a gift one day. Hopefully you will see this blog and always paint or give me 'your' creative things till I say goodbye here }
note: I am not there yet to give love unconditionally after all I am a human.

Being a mom may have added some more pages to my journey. As a parent it was only giving and in return you got a hug and smile but sometimes nothing but a satisfied kid or stubborn unsatisfied goon. Over the years this experience may have mellowed me a lot from what I used to be. I enjoy being a mom and would love one more of this little creature if I could.


In my entire life up to age 41 I have never loved anyone than my sister and my daughter. At this time as I write I can sadly but firmly say this. But these are my blood. My own. My world. I don't believe my mind ever realized that I love them. Never questioned it.  But I just love them because of my actions followed by my words that confirms everyday to me, yes I truly love them. I mean, is it not a given you will generally love your blood?

Then came You out of nowhere. Jeans ok? Yeah?
Yes I say I love you because I do. But behind the scene I question myself because I want to be sure that I am meaning it well when I say those words and that, it is not my playfulness. I look through my words and the actions, sometimes I over analyze. Some of the things I do and say to you I have never ever done in my entire life and meaning it every bit while I do it even without me knowing it. I truly surprise myself when I do some of the things with no expectation of a return or say things not expecting a reply from you. I have never let my guard down nor have I let myself splurge on someone else than my sister and my kid once I started earning. So when I do that same to you I know I love you.


Is love enough? I don't know . But I know one thing, it is one of the rarest things in this world. I never found abundance of it anywhere especially the romantic one. I think it is good to be in love. I think its great to know what is love.
The best is Knowing how to love and where it should originate from and how to take care of it and maintain it.


note: I know its a two way street else it will still be infatuation so keep your best friends - Eyes, Ears, Wisdom and Understanding close and let your heart lose and dance to the beat!!!


Love Jessa.