How do I meet you?

Hello There,
I have been wanting to write to you for sometime now. I wanted to share this lingering feeling in me with you. Loneliness! Have you ever felt this? I have so many people around me and yet, I feel alone. I do not always feel this but when it strikes, Its too hard to get over it. As you know I am mostly a self made person and yet I feel that I am missing a bigger part of me. And time is no friend of mine. When I wanted it to run faster it never did and now its running at the speed of light, 13 years have passed in the blink of my eye.
I do not know where to look to find that person. Frankly, I am scared of having a relationship. How could I ever know if it will work out between us? I do not want to take a chance on our lives and yet I yearn for companionship. How so funny my stupid heart is?!
I hear so many stories of cupid strike but how come no cupid around me?! Oh Mr. Cupid, please don't strike at that wrong person. I have had enough of that.
I guess, its just like the seasons. You can never appreciate sunshine if you live near the equator. I would have never understood or valued the meaning of a 'Life Partner', if I did not feel lonely. I am so happy for all those who have found their loved ones. There is nothing in this world that can take the place of a partner; no parent, no kid  nor money. I guess that is why Eve was created. Adam had everything and yet was not fully happy till Eve came. And then you know the story.....! Still, I think Adam was happy since Eve hopefully was there with him in the wilderness. Hopefully I am no Eve but a Ruth.
Now the big question, where do I look for, to find my Adam? I have never gone on a date. I tried the online stuff, but I hate online. How can you know someone by reading their profile? How can you go out with a complete stranger? (this coming from a woman who had an arranged but failed marriage..Oh the irony!)
Anyway, in all this I learned one thing. Life is not as easy as it is portrayed to be. Loneliness helps you appreciate relationship. It makes you want to be a better person for your would be partner. It lets you live in hope that you will find that person soon..hoping that Life does not lie!
Love Jes.

Facebook has made me forget to write

Even a small inspiration used to make me write pages and pages but now I tend to express my emotions however big in a one liner on facebook. Sad! May be its because my emotions are easily shared with my friends on facebook. I feel facebook has taken away from me the urge to write; The want to think; The thirst to color my thoughts in garlands of words. How much has technology changed my life! Yes, it has done great things for us. I can instantly converse with my father who is continents away face to face within seconds. Its has made the world a smaller place but at what cost? I do not see anyone relaxed. We all want 'I' things, mambo jambos and jargons that make our lives comfortable but then we run around to pay our bills for the comforts we bargained for, rarely able to hold them for more than a day and sing to it "You are so beautiful". Everything that comes into the market becomes our necessity. 

I miss those days where mothers sat outside homes and enjoyed the breeze while the kids ran around the house. When doors were always open for neighbors and friends. 

Emotions have changed from I am happy to :) ! I guess this is life! Do you?

Many of my friends live in a safe relationship. The relation is more of a contract. A contract to appear happy, a contract to keep up with society. This contract has got nothing to do with love. They tell me if I leave then what happens to my kids? I feel sorry for them.

Random

After a pretty long time again I sit to write few words to you my Friend. Got to taste a few more experience in this short time.I need time and the mind set to sit and write. Today, I am in one of those moods.

How important is settling down in life?! Is there something called 'settling down in life'? I know for sure, no human being can ever feel settled in life, why? Because we are never satisfied. In this journey, you have no idea how much I have learned! How deep I have come and, how much more I need to travel to complete this journey. The journey is like traveling from the surface of the earth to the inside. As the journey deepens, the more burn I feel.

As a child I remember thinking, nothing is impossible; however from where I stand I see differently. I still believe nothing is impossible but I have extended the sentence. Nothing is impossible if God gives us the 'Yes', else even the smallest thing can be impossible to attain. I do not know if you believe in God but if you don't then, let us blame it on circumstances. However You want!

2011 New year day, I enjoyed a lot with my daughter. I felt happy that we are together. For the past 8 years I hated the new years since I had a lot of expectation which were never fulfilled but this time I had my expectation and got it fulfilled.

Do you know how lonely it is without someone to share your life with? But, do you know how more lonely it is to spent it with someone whom your are uneasy with? It is my friend! In Life, then we becomes actors. We slowly lose our identity.

Being a single mom with a small one is not at all easy. You have to be extremely smart to play the role of a father and a mother, if you want a bright child. You have to be financially, physically and emotionally stable which is very difficult to achieve. When loneliness strikes we lose ourselves to it. This happens to everyone, even me. Society separates us and we separate society from us. It's no ones fault. Couples need Couples! Besides your own is different from someone!

I need to be more strong. I can never allow negative to take over me. After all I am happier than before when I was extremely miserable. Doesn't these words feel great but action tough to attain? It is! and I suffer every single day with it. But, I try to practice this every minute of the day. Always have your mind, eyes and ears open and keep your heart door closed but not locked. This surely will help. Be sharp as whole! Remember 'no one can help you than you', this is what I live by.

I need to settle down in life,job wise, personally, and emotionally. This is my prayer for 2011. I want more job opportunity, more brain challenges, happiness and peace. Would this year bring all this for me?

How is your life? What is your expectation this year? ....

Love
Jess.

Interview

Be crisp in what you say to the interviewer. Be positive. What I am going to tell you might sound impossible but I go through this many times.
Don't be scared, or nervous. See now itself you want to close this blog but, read on.
Why are you attending the interview? For fun? You want the job, right? Yes! I assume you want the job.
Now, why do you want the job? You feel you are qualified for the job. Right?
There are two sides to an interview. Interviewer's side and your side. Just like they want a good candidate, you want a good Company and team to work with.
The moment you enter that door, start to look at it this way. Is this the people you want to work with? Will I be comfortable with them? Once this comes into your mind that fear of interview goes away. Now you become the benificiary too. Now you are also looking at them with curiosity, you are also trying to find out if they are good for you. Now, what I say about interview does not work for 'Some' people but for most it does.
Where is your fear now? (you got a solution for this I am sure)

Answering questions
An interview is mostly in the hands of the candidate. It all depends on you how you want to turn it into. Give your best here. Make the interviewers feel like you will make an important and key factor for their Company and please do not fake it. How do you do this?
Just by being you. Try to find out what they want and tell them accurately what you can give them. You should be able to give more than what they expect.

Do not ever think you are better than the interviewer.
You are going to be part of their Team. Thinking in terms of team is very very important. In our industry there is no one man show. So while talking to them you need to part of their team. You should learn what they want and must be ready to give them that. Be modest and humble. No human beings like a haughty, ego filled character.

You need to prepare. There are many many questions on the net. Take those questions and try to answer it for yourself. Do not copy another person. Its you they want and not the guy who answered those questions. Why I am asking you to prepare earlier is, even after overcoming fear we are going to have some nerve and this preparation helps you a lot. Be realistic in your answers. Nobody expects a super human. If anyone does, they do not deserve you since they are searching for an unrealistic Matter.
This goes for the HR type questions.
Now the technical, recollect all your work. Learn basics and more from materials. Study the requirements,know what you have on your resume and you should be able to back it up with right technical answers.

Interview is a process of getting to know each parties in the play. It should be taken only at that level.

Don't worry, you will be fine. Just be You. That will make a huge difference. Also only take that which fits into your palm. Else you know you are going to spill it.

All the best.

Window shopping

Have you ever done window shopping? I am going to answer that for you. Yes, You and I have done window shopping. But how many times have you done window shopping for something that you really NEED and then go into the shop, find the price; happy, you have the money for it and go for you purse just to find that you have been robbed! Can you imagine the pain? Its a mix of many emotions primary being losing your prized possessions. Sometimes this is how I feel in my Life. I am near to the dream door then I see the door closing for no mistake of mine. Some people call this destiny, luck and many other words but this sucks.
There is no solution for this. How do I deal with this? I try and try. Sometimes try try does not make sense, then I move on. Life is not fair, it really is not fair!
Scholars can write, philosophers can drop pounds of words but reality of life is hard and bitter. Especially, when you are the one facing it. But if you are not in it or over it..just Zip up and walk with us. Dont say, "everything will be alright!". Been hearing this 30 years. It makes no sense. Each deep cut leaves a scar.
Once I am over the phase I will walk hand in hand with you and we can discuss how we overcame it. Till then please, let me try to handle this.
But, one thing I ask of you..please pray for me too.
Love
Jessa.

You and I

How vain am I?
Have I not learned anything from my past?
I suffered years for them.
Or, is it that I am destined to be!

As I write this, my mind is raising, my words chaotic; my eyes clouded.
I see a beautiful world, yet I end up with a dark soul.
Do not misunderstand my words, I care a lot.
Why does my heart yearn for the forbidden?
Does it seem to you that I am heartless?
It bleeds like your love.
Where do I run to?
This molten lava is burning me from inside.

Do not look at me with the eyes of a beholder, I melt in that fire.
Do not correct me, let me live my wrong.
Do not care for me; I may want to hide under your wings.
Leave me as I am, let me walk my road.

Have you looked into my eyes?
I am sure you read my mind!
Why do you pretend?
You know my hurt, yet you look away!


Our presence in union lights up the moon
Or is it me alone that feels this way?
We sing the same tune in harmony
Or is it me alone that hears the music?


Is this words of a broken heart?
Is this the cry of the one who lost?
Or, is this the victor’s song, that wants to move on
Knowing, better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?