how i missed you ?

i am sorry my friend.

i always felt misplaced in life be it in school, college, or anywhere. i am still searching for myself within me. in this race i may have forgotten to notice you. its my mistake i accept it but its not because i dont care for you..i deeply do but i was always searching for something still am. it was my mistake that i did nt realise you were standing nextg to me telling me i am here for you. i regret what had happened.

i was raised by my gran she was a kind but i had my niche built with her in kerala when my parents left me with her. i dont remeber seeing my dad as a kid just my mom who would come in between with lots of chocolate, nail polish and things and again leave me with my grans but then i flew to gulf it was a dream come truebut slowly i started feeling the heat..the syllabus was tough for a state student the language was english a foreign one for a village girl infact all was different kids treated me as a trash i cud nt tell this to my parents since i feared they would let me go back to the abusive life in kerala. so i kept to myself and tried to learn the culture with the language. i became a true gulfian i started to forget about kerala in trying to fit into there. i had trouble in everything studies, life style everything but i mastered it all by myself in such small age. i had a terrible family.

as soon as i did that i had to go back to kerala , i did my pre in tvm ivanios . it was again another struggle trying to adjust to the crowd there. i wanted acceptance there. it was a very tough life style for a kid from the gulf esp the tuition. i had to get up at 5 30 to start the day and it went on till eve 6 pm man this was very tough for me and so many things like this. i was studying in a place where we had classes from 8 to 12 30 pm and the rest of the day was ours , we played ball and jumped about but here the girls wud resign to sitting in class and gossiping my god i was lost.
in this race my friend i met you. but i have no idea how things came to this. i never knew what your feeling was. nothing is registering in my head. its not your fault my friend but mine i dont get people s feeling easily thats y i am where i am today.
my friend if i hurt you in anyway i know i must have for you to remember all the things i am deeply sorry i never meant to hurt you. i always wish the best to all i meet.
there must have been something that must have triggered the way i responded but i dont know what.
with all my heart i am sorry my friend.
i am sorry.