Its been 36 years. If I even picked up a grape, woke up, went to sleep, I always prayed so that I am safe and secure. I cried to this God, I praised this God and believed every story in the bible as is. I was hypnotized to this belief. I am now awake. My life has taught me, I am the only one that I can depend on and no other God.
In my horrible times, most difficult of times I called upon God. I did not hear a word, I asked for a sign, no sign was shown. Now as I look back at my life, I wonder if God ever heard me or if even exists. I know many will bring in Job as an example. Again if Job ever really existed no one can prove.
From the time I could recollect, I was brainwashed to believe in God. "If you do anything bad or against the Word, you will go to hell", is the commandment given to me by the caretakers. I grew up in fear of God. I did no wrong. If I did something wrong I would be repenting the next few days that I be forgiven.
I did everything depending on this superpower when unknown was in front of me. It was like a hand, a support to hold on to when I had no one else to look up to or ask an advice from. It really felt good and safe to know that there is this super power to take care of me in uncertainties.
My parents and most of the family members are Pentecostal believers. I hate this religion. They get you in a clutch of hallucination that there is no escaping once in it. I always escaped this belief.
Actually the concept of God made me a weak being personally and the belief in God became the super power in me. Without God I felt lost. Could not do anything.
My life is a very difficult one. I am not dying nor in poverty nor in slavery and yet I find my life tough. I guess a thorn in my leg is more painful than a nail on your head, for me. Lately, I started facing so many issues one after the other. This made me chose the born again route. People with vision starting seeing things for me and giving me positive affirmations and I held on to these. The concept is if you live, you live for Christ and, if you die, you die for Christ. All the Christians around me encouraged the vision till it all went wrong. They came up with the most ridiculous explanation for it, to the extent that God helps only those who have Holy Spirit.
This was the point for me to turn back and look at my life. All the wrong and right that happened to me was my choice. There was no God anywhere. At least I have not seen one. If I studied I succeeded, If asked I got, If I ate I was nourished, If I am sick, I suffer. and the prayer and faith made me feel safe and that's all. A psychological pacifier in times of turmoil.
Religious explanation to the divine is ridiculous. It goes, One cannot see God. Only if you are a Christian you can be helped by God. All the others are going to Hell. God will punish you if you do or don't do this. "If God is not there then humans will be corrupt, Don't use wisdom when you have faith. Faith and logic don't go together.", they say.
Yet I am confused about astrology. Natal chart describes a lot about the characteristics of an individual. What does this mean? and how does it occur. So also, religious prophets, psychics they say 5 right things out of 20 that seems right. I understand cold reading but still! I dream things in signs and then it comes true later as an incident in life. How? Things that has happened were beyond my control.
I would like to call myself agnostic since I want to believe a God exists. I want to believe astrology is a science that requires expert educated astrologers. But some how the existence seems to be a far fetched than the truth. I am not able to see any evidence of God yet. I hope at least to have a vision, to have an incident that proves otherwise...may be like see an angel in day light. I want occurrence to happen when I am lucid.
Its scary to think of life without God because it makes YOU the only one you have to depend on. You then don't have an afterlife. Its scary to know once you are dead, you are gone into ashes. People cannot accept this. We always want a leader. We always want to be glorified slaves. We want to depend on another hero that is not You.
I really hope I am totally wrong and actually there is a scientific proof of God than people making one imagine of a God or forcing a belief that is instills fear of the worse.
In my horrible times, most difficult of times I called upon God. I did not hear a word, I asked for a sign, no sign was shown. Now as I look back at my life, I wonder if God ever heard me or if even exists. I know many will bring in Job as an example. Again if Job ever really existed no one can prove.
From the time I could recollect, I was brainwashed to believe in God. "If you do anything bad or against the Word, you will go to hell", is the commandment given to me by the caretakers. I grew up in fear of God. I did no wrong. If I did something wrong I would be repenting the next few days that I be forgiven.
I did everything depending on this superpower when unknown was in front of me. It was like a hand, a support to hold on to when I had no one else to look up to or ask an advice from. It really felt good and safe to know that there is this super power to take care of me in uncertainties.
My parents and most of the family members are Pentecostal believers. I hate this religion. They get you in a clutch of hallucination that there is no escaping once in it. I always escaped this belief.
Actually the concept of God made me a weak being personally and the belief in God became the super power in me. Without God I felt lost. Could not do anything.
My life is a very difficult one. I am not dying nor in poverty nor in slavery and yet I find my life tough. I guess a thorn in my leg is more painful than a nail on your head, for me. Lately, I started facing so many issues one after the other. This made me chose the born again route. People with vision starting seeing things for me and giving me positive affirmations and I held on to these. The concept is if you live, you live for Christ and, if you die, you die for Christ. All the Christians around me encouraged the vision till it all went wrong. They came up with the most ridiculous explanation for it, to the extent that God helps only those who have Holy Spirit.
This was the point for me to turn back and look at my life. All the wrong and right that happened to me was my choice. There was no God anywhere. At least I have not seen one. If I studied I succeeded, If asked I got, If I ate I was nourished, If I am sick, I suffer. and the prayer and faith made me feel safe and that's all. A psychological pacifier in times of turmoil.
Religious explanation to the divine is ridiculous. It goes, One cannot see God. Only if you are a Christian you can be helped by God. All the others are going to Hell. God will punish you if you do or don't do this. "If God is not there then humans will be corrupt, Don't use wisdom when you have faith. Faith and logic don't go together.", they say.
Yet I am confused about astrology. Natal chart describes a lot about the characteristics of an individual. What does this mean? and how does it occur. So also, religious prophets, psychics they say 5 right things out of 20 that seems right. I understand cold reading but still! I dream things in signs and then it comes true later as an incident in life. How? Things that has happened were beyond my control.
I would like to call myself agnostic since I want to believe a God exists. I want to believe astrology is a science that requires expert educated astrologers. But some how the existence seems to be a far fetched than the truth. I am not able to see any evidence of God yet. I hope at least to have a vision, to have an incident that proves otherwise...may be like see an angel in day light. I want occurrence to happen when I am lucid.
Its scary to think of life without God because it makes YOU the only one you have to depend on. You then don't have an afterlife. Its scary to know once you are dead, you are gone into ashes. People cannot accept this. We always want a leader. We always want to be glorified slaves. We want to depend on another hero that is not You.
I really hope I am totally wrong and actually there is a scientific proof of God than people making one imagine of a God or forcing a belief that is instills fear of the worse.
3 comments:
I am not sure how you ended up in my Google+ Circle, only person I see in common is my cousin Jinu. I happened to read your blog, yes there are a lot of questions we have about the very existance of God.
I ask myself, if it was His will, why did my marriage break up, why did I have to go through so much of hardships in life, ultimately it all comes down to choice, God (in my experience he exists - not the way the traditional Pentacost would teach about the Holy Spirit, but the moment you accept Him, He is there in your life). He has given you the right to choose, think why did He plan the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, did He want Eve to eat of it?
At times everything sounds like fiction, I read a quote some time back, "Knowing Jesus does not make the mountains disappear, it makes the climbing easier", yes we all have the right to choose.
Going to heaven or hell is not defined by the 10 Commandments, rather it is about the Grace and the good deeds that you do while you were on earth.
I too am a Pentacost, but I do not believe in their preachings, I understand the whole purpose myself. Faith is not about what God can do, it is what He will do.
Just think about it, how fortunate you are to be in this world to even write this blog. Many whole were alive yesterday are not alive today, so ultimately it is how we live our life that matters not the teaching of a Pastor.
Hope this help!!!
Life "without god" doesn't have to be scary. You aren't alone, there are 7 billions of us in the same situation, finding our way through life while flying through space on a giant ball of iron.
We can count on each other, we can live for each other. We don't need imaginary friends to feel better about our existence, even if some prefer it that way.
Leave aside astrology and other magical thinking. Your life is yours alone, its path will depend on your choices and no one else :).
Good luck!
but when i look into astrology its so true. i wish i could meet someone sane who do understand and have studied astrology to defy its explanation. I have been studying my own birth chart for a while and I seem to not be able to find anything wrong with it. i have met a lot of people who lie on the pretext of it but never the chart itself. i would love to be proven wrong.
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