Golmaal

Random

2011-01-01T16:36:00.001-08:00

After a pretty long time again I sit to write few words to you my Friend. Got to taste a few more experience in this short time.I need time and the mind set to sit and write. Today, I am in one of those moods.

How important is settling down in life?! Is there something called 'settling down in life'? I know for sure, no human being can ever feel settled in life, why? Because we are never satisfied. In this journey, you have no idea how much I have learned! How deep I have come and, how much more I need to travel to complete this journey. The journey is like traveling from the surface of the earth to the inside. As the journey deepens, the more burn I feel.

As a child I remember thinking, nothing is impossible; however from where I stand I see differently. I still believe nothing is impossible but I have extended the sentence. Nothing is impossible if God gives us the 'Yes', else even the smallest thing can be impossible to attain. I do not know if you believe in God but if you don't then, let us blame it on circumstances. However You want!

2011 New year day, I enjoyed a lot with my daughter. I felt happy that we are together. For the past 8 years I hated the new years since I had a lot of expectation which were never fulfilled but this time I had my expectation and got it fulfilled.

Do you know how lonely it is without someone to share your life with? But, do you know how more lonely it is to spent it with someone whom your are uneasy with? It is my friend! In Life, then we becomes actors. We slowly lose our identity.

Being a single mom with a small one is not at all easy. You have to be extremely smart to play the role of a father and a mother, if you want a bright child. You have to be financially, physically and emotionally stable which is very difficult to achieve. When loneliness strikes we lose ourselves to it. This happens to everyone, even me. Society separates us and we separate society from us. It's no ones fault. Couples need Couples! Besides your own is different from someone!

I need to be more strong. I can never allow negative to take over me. After all I am happier than before when I was extremely miserable. Doesn't these words feel great but action tough to attain? It is! and I suffer every single day with it. But, I try to practice this every minute of the day. Always have your mind, eyes and ears open and keep your heart door closed but not locked. This surely will help. Be sharp as whole! Remember 'no one can help you than you', this is what I live by.

I need to settle down in life,job wise, personally, and emotionally. This is my prayer for 2011. I want more job opportunity, more brain challenges, happiness and peace. Would this year bring all this for me?

How is your life? What is your expectation this year? ....

Love
Jess.

Interview

2010-05-07T12:40:00.000-07:00

Be crisp in what you say to the interviewer. Be positive. What I am going to tell you might sound impossible but I go through this many times.
Don't be scared, or nervous. See now itself you want to close this blog but, read on.
Why are you attending the interview? For fun? You want the job, right? Yes! I assume you want the job.
Now, why do you want the job? You feel you are qualified for the job. Right?
There are two sides to an interview. Interviewer's side and your side. Just like they want a good candidate, you want a good Company and team to work with.
The moment you enter that door, start to look at it this way. Is this the people you want to work with? Will I be comfortable with them? Once this comes into your mind that fear of interview goes away. Now you become the benificiary too. Now you are also looking at them with curiosity, you are also trying to find out if they are good for you. Now, what I say about interview does not work for 'Some' people but for most it does.
Where is your fear now? (you got a solution for this I am sure)

Answering questions
An interview is mostly in the hands of the candidate. It all depends on you how you want to turn it into. Give your best here. Make the interviewers feel like you will make an important and key factor for their Company and please do not fake it. How do you do this?
Just by being you. Try to find out what they want and tell them accurately what you can give them. You should be able to give more than what they expect.

Do not ever think you are better than the interviewer.
You are going to be part of their Team. Thinking in terms of team is very very important. In our industry there is no one man show. So while talking to them you need to part of their team. You should learn what they want and must be ready to give them that. Be modest and humble. No human beings like a haughty, ego filled character.

You need to prepare. There are many many questions on the net. Take those questions and try to answer it for yourself. Do not copy another person. Its you they want and not the guy who answered those questions. Why I am asking you to prepare earlier is, even after overcoming fear we are going to have some nerve and this preparation helps you a lot. Be realistic in your answers. Nobody expects a super human. If anyone does, they do not deserve you since they are searching for an unrealistic Matter.
This goes for the HR type questions.
Now the technical, recollect all your work. Learn basics and more from materials. Study the requirements,know what you have on your resume and you should be able to back it up with right technical answers.

Interview is a process of getting to know each parties in the play. It should be taken only at that level.

Don't worry, you will be fine. Just be You. That will make a huge difference. Also only take that which fits into your palm. Else you know you are going to spill it.

All the best.

Window shopping

2010-05-07T11:56:00.000-07:00

Have you ever done window shopping? I am going to answer that for you. Yes, You and I have done window shopping. But how many times have you done window shopping for something that you really NEED and then go into the shop, find the price; happy, you have the money for it and go for you purse just to find that you have been robbed! Can you imagine the pain? Its a mix of many emotions primary being losing your prized possessions. Sometimes this is how I feel in my Life. I am near to the dream door then I see the door closing for no mistake of mine. Some people call this destiny, luck and many other words but this sucks.
There is no solution for this. How do I deal with this? I try and try. Sometimes try try does not make sense, then I move on. Life is not fair, it really is not fair!
Scholars can write, philosophers can drop pounds of words but reality of life is hard and bitter. Especially, when you are the one facing it. But if you are not in it or over it..just Zip up and walk with us. Dont say, "everything will be alright!". Been hearing this 30 years. It makes no sense. Each deep cut leaves a scar.
Once I am over the phase I will walk hand in hand with you and we can discuss how we overcame it. Till then please, let me try to handle this.
But, one thing I ask of you..please pray for me too.
Love
Jessa.

You and I

2009-12-02T08:00:00.000-08:00

How vain am I?
Have I not learned anything from my past?
I suffered years for them.
Or, is it that I am destined to be!

As I write this, my mind is raising, my words chaotic; my eyes clouded.
I see a beautiful world, yet I end up with a dark soul.
Do not misunderstand my words, I care a lot.
Why does my heart yearn for the forbidden?
Does it seem to you that I am heartless?
It bleeds like your love.
Where do I run to?
This molten lava is burning me from inside.

Do not look at me with the eyes of a beholder, I melt in that fire.
Do not correct me, let me live my wrong.
Do not care for me; I may want to hide under your wings.
Leave me as I am, let me walk my road.

Have you looked into my eyes?
I am sure you read my mind!
Why do you pretend?
You know my hurt, yet you look away!

Our presence in union lights up the moon
Or is it me alone that feels this way?
We sing the same tune in harmony
Or is it me alone that hears the music?

Is this words of a broken heart?
Is this the cry of the one who lost?
Or, is this the victor’s song, that wants to move on
Knowing, better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?

Software testing in a complex Business

2009-11-10T06:17:00.000-08:00

Software testing is the crucial method to test the usability, reliability, and flexibility of a system, an application or a code.
In today’s world this process is a continuous effort especially for products that are sold for commercial purpose. Software in the market needs to be secured and must be able to stand malwares that are continuously injected on to the World Wide Web. Hence the maintenance of the product is very important, so does testing.

Software testing and Quality analysis takes a different role when it comes to complex businesses like insurance, banking and so on. There are multiple rules, multiple system and different designs involved. A developer may not need to have the complete knowledge of the whole system but a tester need to be well equipped with the whole design in order to test the system he is working on. To deliver a good product, each system needs to function correctly and interact with one another efficiently. There may be environmental issues always in production. The most important thing is, these businesses affect the customers directly. Some of the functionalities, if not accurately coded, can get the life of a customer in jeopardy.

When you develop a complex system that will directly impact your sales, you need to see that the basic functionalities are working correctly. When I mention basic functionalities this will include multiple rules and regulations not only from the perspective of a company but also from rules of the city, state and at international level. In United States itself, there are many states. Each state or many of these states have different rules regarding the same aspect. The difference in rule may be minor, still the design has to be adhered to render the correct output. This is where the efficiency of a tester will be tested with flames.

How should a software tester be?

In today’s world, what we lack is a good software tester. Anyone can test software (the end product) but when the product is very complex, the organization needs to hire an efficient person who is ready to learn, be current and be able to see through the system to find its flaws. It’s understood that we will have environmental issues in production but if in production, there is functional issues, this means the development process and testing process failed and that the project was lacking efficient hands onboard.
If you tell a 10 year old, this is how this application should work and explain the various GUI function and ask to test the system, the child will do a good job. This is what we see in most of the testers of today. They are not ready to test The What If’s? They are not ready to correctly explore the realm, especially when it comes to vast complexity of the system. It’s very difficult to find a good eye sometimes. If I put it correctly, it’s very difficult to find a person who can hire an efficient hand, is what should be correctly said and not that there are no efficient testers.

What should a software tester be equipped with?
1. I can learn.
2. I am ready.
3. Go getter.
4. Thirst for knowledge.
5. Friendly.
6. Ready to take criticism.
7. Software professional or born with an ability to test – this is where
software is an art plays.
8. Hand in the language that is used in the place
9. Responsible.
10. Perfectionist and A Critique
11. Disciplined.

And in general for any person to interact socially and professionally should be a team player, humble and meet company and country wide motive to be a good citizen.If you want to be a tester in a complex system you need to be ready to plough. Don't come with an attitude of, "Testing is a piece of cake". Let me tell you, here you wont survive for long. But I have seen people who have no idea where or what they are doing, survive too. These are parasites but not all of us are born with that talent. So don't take that risk unless you know you are the one. And I can gaurantee that a Parasite knows this.
Have fun at work.
Jessa Abraham.

LOVE A noun

2009-11-07T13:52:00.001-08:00

I have been around the world, met many. Every part of the world has the same concept for family; Father, Mother, Kids and a Home. We see people dressed and decked in most beautiful of all Silk. Unfortunately, the truth to the beauty may be very difficult to determine. No one can strip and see what your home is like. Many of us live in an imaginary world till that tsunami hits.
In my research, I have found that the most difficult of all things, to find, to get, or to buy is LOVE.
Its like finding Heaven, if it exists! I don't think most of us are going to get the best seat in Heaven. We may get a shelter their, if we were a little less vile but the main seats are meant for the very few.
Sometimes, some of us find Real Love somewhere in the journey. Still like a fool we keep searching for it even when it's screaming at you "I am the one you are looking for. Take me, I am yours.". If we didn't ignore Love, then we wouldn't be called HUMANS. I see many people missing lives opportunity like a blind and deaf man.
Life is too short. Before you know it, you will reach the destination. In this journey, try not to miss those drops - YOUR LIFELINE.
Being happy is the most important thing in life. Love will complete you. There is a big difference between adjusting out of love and adjusting for Love. If you are wise you will know the difference.

Work Etiquette

2009-10-13T16:19:00.000-07:00

We need to keep in mind so many things at work.

1. You need to be willing to learn your business and application. This is not as easy as you think. To achieve this you need to burn midnight oil many times.
2. You need to befriend others in a professional friendship.
3. Must be open enough to learn the changes and adapt to them.
4. Be ready to help and be helped. There is nothing wrong with someone helping you when you don't know something. Always better to do things correctly than someone later correcting you.
5. Need to remain in the office at least 8 + 1 hour, however this depends on company policy and the way you work.
6. Never try to criticize you team mate. If he is unbearable do it with a positive twist. If your team is not good, your work will be affected. Always build up a good team. As you go, pick up your team mates also. Never leave anyone behind.
7. Try to be helpful and don't act, be genuine. You cannot fool everyone.
8. Do less browsing and be more productive at work. Browsing can be sometimes good to refresh your mind but I have seen people who are on the net 40% of their work hours.
9. Respect your work. Remember this puts food to your table, so be 100% to your job.
10. Work from home is a privilege and not a right. Use it only when it's the only way.
11. A big business such as banking or insurance, don't assume you know everything or your application is the only application that exists. These businesses are very large and you may know things as big as a drop in the sea of knowledge, so keep updating and adding knowledge to your mind library.
12. Don't underestimate anyone. Everyone is important; and no one is above you nor below you. Respect one another and don't overcrowd others space.
13. Some times your manager or team lead may be difficult but always know that most of them are their because of their better quality; and some are not! for people in such team God Help!
14. If your manager/Lead gives an advice, take it with a positive attitude and correct yourself. They wont tell you something out of the air. You must rest your mind and think and act immediately.
15. We are work to complete some task. Complete it to the best as you can or better than you can.
16. Never compare yourself with others. No one is equal. Learn to appreciate good in others and ignore the bad unless it hampers work.
17. At work, try making professional friends and not personal friends. But outside they can be your best friend.
18. Be neat and come dressed for work.
19. Try to not be a high maintenance, but this is also sometimes very difficult esp for women since we are frail comparatively and there is no shame in admitting this. But try not being too sensitive. Consider work as work.
20. Please don't IM(Ping/Chat) someone at work when their status is busy, if you need to, then make your point fast and conclude the chat. I face this many times and it's irritating.

At work be at work, and this is generally not a place for fun, so take it seriously--Irony--Have fun doing you work, else you will start hating it and everything that is associated with it.

Thank you for being there!

2009-10-10T06:51:00.000-07:00

Three of my friends have, on face told me..Jessa you worry for unnecessary things. Stop worrying and enjoy life, but I do is worry. Everything around me affects me, good, bad and the ugly. Why does that bother me? Its not my life! someone else's, but some how it does. I didn't sleep the whole night for something that happened to a colleague of mine. I think the impact on her was less than it was on me.

Being over concerned about someone else is not good for your life. But there are people like me out there foolish to be affected by this disease. The best medicine for this kind of a sicknes is having friends like mine. If you can find friends like that which is very rare, accept them with your whole heart.
Warning: Having friends like that itself is exhausting though! You are going to get the truth bitter in your face. They won't sugarcoat facts and tell you. It will be very difficult to swallow and even more difficult to digest.
When they tell me the facts I get irritated but later I think about what they said and apply it. It gets me going then.

We are going to meet different situations in our life and others. Some of the situations can be terrible. But these situations are not going to pause time for you. Pick up yourself and get on with life. If you stop anywhere in life, you have to know that you will be behind your league and have to make up for the lost time.

Being a normal human, we will worry, we will be affected by things around us but they should impact you only to the degree it should, and not more than that.

Thank you for being there for me.
Hope you also find a friend like mine who can give you a hand during down times.

Love Jess.

Love VS Infatuation

2009-10-03T08:36:00.000-07:00

Hey there,
How are you? Its been a while since I wrote to you. Needed your advice. What is the difference between Love and Infatuation? How wide is the margin between the two? Can love exist with out infatuation? I know the other way is possible.
I was going through the net regarding this topic and came across a load of articles but none of them made any sense.
I think how infatuation grows into love depends on the two people involved in it. Its like cooking; Everyone of us have ingredients needed to make a good meal but not all of us have the magic hand. Thats the same thing with Love. We all are naturally attracted to someone or the other but how we take it to the next level depends on the two of us.

Another thing is, why are we attracted to some and not the other? What's that all about? There are millions of people out there but our hearts drop at few but why not the other. What should be common between the two for our hearts to beat this fast? I am talking about the first sight.

Anyway, I don't know the answer to these questions. I don't know if ever will I find out too. But how much ever humans dig deep, there are lot more mysterious thing lurking around us that makes us know that God really created Adam and Eve and they are meant to be.
Jess.

Seasons in Life

2009-09-20T14:34:00.000-07:00

How fast we change costumes in life?
I was married for 7 years 6 months and 7 days.
Characters that played the major role: Prestige, Money, Betrayal and Lies. Love, a guest appearance.
Everyone who saw the opening scene knew it was going to be an Oscar winner with twists and turns; Bomb shells and bullets. Never before imagined plots.
People around us feared having to put up refugee camps for us; most dear ones took the bail out on the first day itself,and built an electric fence around them. Everyone sympathized with us.
Many tried to bring us together in the name of God. They said,Marriage is made in heaven even when it meant hell. Live till one of you kill the other or learn to LOVE. Wish LOVE would bud from fear or it happened overnight. We tried not days but years but LOVE never came. Love cannot be forced. Its unconditional. It does not come with ego.
The interval. Separation. The dreaded word DIVORCE. The scene still needs a villain. "You will be Damned(sorry for the word) if you do this. You wont reach heaven if you do this. If you suffer this way its OK its the cross that Christ had to bear. Now he has given it to you". My dear, My Christ bore the cross for me so I don't need to carry them. Finally its done.
Before its was just the fence, now people are running like someone sprayed tear gas on them. lol.
There was someone so close to me in this journey. "Don't worry, I will be there, whatever happens, its OK. You should live you life". When reality hit, the tone changed. I have never in my life seen a Judas, but now I know how Lord felt when the last kiss. No ill feeling towards anyone.
Why am I writing this to you? So that you will always keep even the closest one at a distance. Not because they will turn on you but in case.
If 'I' gets destroyed, seasons will still change in all its beauty but 'I' will not be there to enjoy it.

Happy Birthday to Me

2009-09-13T08:17:00.000-07:00

I am 33 this year. Born into this world on September 12th of 1976. He gave me a chance to be a part of HIM. I truly appreciate the gift of life that He has given me. I celebrate Birthdays, Valentines, Christmas,any events with a blast in my heart; You know why? Because every moment I get to live makes me realize how carefully He is taking me around. I am grateful to Him for everything. Sometimes when I feel I am drowning in the tempest of life, there comes a hand that doesn't just throw the life jacket to me but picks me out from the whirlwind and holds me close to Him that I can hear His Heart beat, sounding "I am here for you; why did you worry? I gave you life; I know how to take care of you."
I am thankful for each day, every second that I am here, on this Earth. How beautifully He has molded me to fit me rightly into His big picture.
I thank you for YOU, my life, my child, my faith, and my family.
Always yours
Jess.

Looks matter

2009-09-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

I know you! you will see the heading and go wild. But its true. Looks matter. It does not mean perfection, it does not mean complete. It means, it meets your expectation. You still don't get it? See I love roses but you may like jasmines more. Why? Its what your mind considers beautiful than a rose. This does not mean you don't like roses.

This is the same with life. You must like your match. She/He may not be Aiswariya Bachan but she/he must be your Madonna.

Why am I writing this?! I had a conversation with a friend. Somehow we ended up on this topic. He said, "I don't care about looks. She must be pleasant. 90% of Indian women are pleasant." I disagreed with my friend. I told him,"Looks matter." My daughter was listening to this conversation and she said, " Mom alway says, Looks don't matter only Love matters." This blog is for her.

My love, for you age this is true. Don't choose your friends only based on looks. Don't distinguish anyone by their color, race or caste. Choose them because they are nice. Choose them because they need you and you need them. When I told then 'Looks do matter', it was meant for someone much older and I didn't mean it the way the words sounded. I am sorry.

You want to choose someone in your life you feel comfortable waking up to see everyday morning. He is your hero. He may look like a wild beast but still your handsome prince. Thats the look I was talking about. When you grow up and read this you will know.

Love Mom.

Application failure

2009-09-01T17:35:00.000-07:00

Too many cooks spoil the broth. This is what is happening in todays industry. If you have good cooks its a different story. To get a good requirement, analyst, developer or tester is like searching for a needle in the haystack. I am sure you will agree with me.

This is from my experience. The amount of drama thats goes around on a small issue is not describable in some Organizations. Many times people don't even reason. Its tragic to see someone's money going wasted.

Work environment is purely professional. Someone is paying you. You must always learn to use your sound judgement there. You need to be calm to analyze the problem. Work with the team to get around the issue. First and foremost KNOW THE BUSINESS.

There is a testing phase in every good organization. This phase we must be able catch the functional issues as much as possible so that functional issues will not be the problem that would arise from production to you. In case you are getting produciton functional issues that means you failed in testing your application.

Its normal to find few issues in production always. But if your basic functionality is not working correctly in production that means you have failed in your testing.

That s where this commotion begins. Now starts - Finding the fault with the other, trying to keep your head safe. The chaos! I find it a pity.

The fundamental issue is difficulty to find the right person. If your Organization has the right people I am sure you are doing good.

Right Move

2009-08-30T15:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Friend,

I am right now at a blank point. I don't know if you understand what I mean. Have you ever felt like you are at a standstill and, Now what to do?, is the question that you keep asking yourself and the question keeps echoing to you but no answer.

You need to find your way. Thats the scariest thing. Finding the right answer. Making the right move. Protecting everyone that you are responsible for.

I wish Life was easy. If our lives were easy, like some of our school exams. No choices, there is only one right answer and you have already learned it.

Have you taken drivers license test in USA? Especially in some States the answer may be a word different from the other 3. Sometimes you loose by a point. Its the same with life.

In life, there are options. Its the right choice that will take you where you want to go. Don't think that many of us know the answer or smart enough to find the right one. Let me tell you something, those of you selected the right answer, at least 90 percent of you didn't choose but things just fell into perspective by God 's grace thats all.

In my life I never had anyone to ask than God about the choice and sometimes the answer were very difficult to find. I had to make a decision finally. I used close my eyes, heart beating faster than lighting, and make the decision. Many times Life does not give you enough time.

Let me tell you something, any decisions that I made keeping God as my all, never failed me. You may say I am just lucky. Lucky is a huge word Dear. I am not even near the word L of 'lucky'. Life has been a struggle for me from the beginning.
I know,..., I know, what you are saying!!..Jessa, do you know what is hunger? ans: NO. Do you know what is Slavery? ans: NO. Do you know being without electricity studying under the street light? ans: NO. Then how do you say, your life is a struggle? To this question, I am lost.

Let me put to picture what it is like to be in my shoe. Do you know how it feels, standing in front of a shop looking at the thing you want the most but can't get. Thats exactly what my life is. I am not talking about a exclusive shoe or other luxuries but basic needs. If you don't travel in car everyday, you don't generally miss it. But when you are given the sample then you cant have it, its horrible. Its like, remember when our Moms used to play, TAKE..OH YOU MISSED..TAKE ...OH YOU MISSED it. Thats exactly how it is.

Now I need to make some choices in my life. If I was alone even falling from a cliff would have been OK but I have a gift. A precious one. I need to make the right move and thats not a choice.

Lord, help me move on successfully in My Life. I cant make one wrong move, if so My kingdom will perish and I will lose the game.

Love
Jess.

PS: Listen to you Mind, It will never be wrong. Be still and Listen.

Secret to Youth

2009-08-22T21:47:00.000-07:00

Today I am going to talk about a secret. I am sure millions of dollars are being spent on inventing man killing, man disfiguring medicines to make you look younger.

Our body is what our mind is and nothing less. And no medicine can do the miracle that God has already revealed and given into your hands.

Look at kids. You say "Kids have no worries". I disagree They have. A pimple is one their major worry. And its a big worry for their young minds like money is for us.

I dont think anyone wants to be a 2 year or even a six or 12 but generally people prefer to always remain 16 to 20. Those are the most beautiful years of any human lives. So lets go back and think what was happening to us at that age. What kept us young were the HORMONES. The desire to explore and conquer the world; the desire to look good; The desire to attract the other sex; The desire to smell the fresh air.

If you can still keep this up, you will look young at even 50. Trust me. That is the secret.

Now how to do this? This is a lot of work. Some of my friends go to gym to reduce weight while others cry about their mass. Unfortunately these things are only going to help with your muscles a lil, or heart, let me put in percentage, 1 %. Why? Because you are not enjoying it but forcing yourself to get on the tread mill or I dont know what people do. (Crying clears ur eyes)

Think how you changed. See worries are your companions and its always going to be there. Dont use that as an excuse to say "Worries made me what I am". Well, a part of it is true.

The other day I went to a party in a Pub. Almost all of them there were young kids. Looking for love. Where are the adults? They are at home worrying, cooking, cleaning, and mouring life. By the way I dont approve of over use of alcohol or any use of drugs OR getting preg at 16 nor having sex with a man you just met at the street light. Letting loose for few hours.

Let me sum it up. Each of us enjoy different things. The key word is ENJOY. Enjoy is not worry free or lack of responsibility enjoy, but engulfing your life you should be that kid you were when you were 16. Believe me, its very difficult.

I used to play batminton, still do, play tag, seventiles. I was a busy body. Now I dont find a lady who does this. You can find Men though doing this and they look young and vital. Ladies, its a rare sight. They always have the babies to take care of but when it comes to work to make money no complains about kids, they are on time. They are busy wanting to look like 60 at the age of 30 and later its too late. And YES they keep visiting the gym to look slim.
The day you stopped being that kid you are in your 60s. Have you noticed, women at 60does not look old. I have heard many people say "Oh my God, She never looked this good in her 30s". What is again the secret of that 60 year old, she is again starting value HER life.

Our kids are the greatest things but how many of us jump along with them and play? If you are doing atleast this, you will look the best.

Take some time to enjoy living. This is the secret. And those medicines, believe me with having artificial hormones in them will still not work for you. So why not let your body do the work of creating natural hormones for you to look FRESH.

The party

2009-08-22T08:21:00.001-07:00

Went for a disco. Was good. Was watching and enjoying the beats the music and

Frequency Curve

2009-08-19T18:17:00.000-07:00

Hello once again,
Hey, do you remember the physics classes we had. Our teach in front of the black board drawing the frequency graph. Yeah! that 's pretty much my life. I would have been on top of the world if it modulated a little less. Man, one day, its full of joy then, for a season something disturbing going on! I dont know how many of us are blessed with this kind of life, but I can assure you when we reach HOME, there is going to be a lot to chat with our Father in heaven about this journey. He may react just as I do to JoAnna, "Jessa, go take a bath. Enough of this. Eat something....." You know, the parent talk. But I sure have a lot of adventure to tell Him. He better be prepared for it. I am Crazy about HIM. My mighty God. Anyway less of spiritual and more to reality...so dear, do you know any solution? If you do please let me know.
I work with a different group of people. Each or most of them are different. Well how different? Very. They use you and then thats it. Just like the bone. They eat to your marrow and chew you out. Oh! mind you I have no issues with these people, My life is too complicated to even bother. But I do like to study people from far. I dont want to befriend any of them. Just watch the wierdness thats all!

You know something, you feel attracted to some people and nothing to others and hatred to few. I dont know why this is so? Isn't it a mystery? That person may not even be your dream figure. But something starts to come alive when around this person and even if you try not to show it, your body just don't cooperate. Believe me this is the worse situation you can be in - when you want to keep your feelings to yourself, your eyes, your body they all becomes your enemy, they just expose you. Traitors! why?

Anyway back to my curve, I need to acheive life. I need to move on in life, climb the ladder. For some people everything comes in a silver platter and others, we need to give our life for it. No no! dont say "Jessa everybody needs to work hard for acheiving this". I am tired of hearing this. Some people do get everything in life. Open your eyes wide and see.

So, How are we going to do it? To make life a little less bumpier!

Met The Love of Her Life

2009-08-17T13:38:00.000-07:00

Some people have to cross seven seas to be one with the One they love. But the final joy is precious that it cannot be described in words.
You know friend, when we go through sufferings its like a never ending road. One problem after another. Sometimes it feels like the end. Have you felt the lump in your heart when you are going through tribulations. I have and its the worst feeling of loss I never ever want to experience. But yes My life keeps telling me "There is daylight after this night. You need to sleep only 8 hours, the rest of the day is yours", but yeah to reach the daylight esp from a never ending night can be sometimes excrutiating.
My dear, you also dont worry. Lets sleep through this night somehow. There is the Sun waiting with the goodness. Need to sleep, else we will be tired to enjoy the day.
This is what happens to most of us. We are so scared, tired, worried, anxious that we cant sleep and when the light falls on our eyes we just cant enjoy, we are much too exhausted.
Hold on there Friend. We will make it.

Celebrate the Moment

2009-08-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

I was talking with my sister the other day. It was about her marriage. She is crazy about her husband and ofcourse my bro is too. She said, "Chechi, I am not so excited about the marriage since I know my sweet heart for the past 2 years." Mind you she is crazy about him, but just that there is not surprise. They have planned each aspect well ahead for the ritual. And ofcourse she knows him well. I told her, marriage is a one time luxury. You need to make it as sweet and memorable as ever. This is the greatest thing in any human beings life - Finding a life partner.

Our tongue is the strongest muscle in the body. Its not only physically strong but it also controls who you are. The more negative you say, the mind prepares your body to be that. The person who has learned to control his tongue, I bow my head to them.

Each good things that happens in our life we should celebrate it with fire crackers, thunder and lightening, no matter how small it may be. If you are good cook you will know this. Your food becomes as tasty as the celebration you put in making it. The outcome is only the final flame.

A day passes by only once. Cherish it. Jump, Run, I dont know, do something even if your mind says "Why are you this happy? Many have done better things than this. You should do better." I agree you can do better but you have already done this much, so go and dance, call your loved ones and enjoy that moment. Friend, this moment will never come again.

Priorities

2009-07-27T11:41:00.000-07:00

Its been a ride from The Lagoon to The River to The Sea. Each phase of my journey has been a sweet bitter memory. I will not say it was a horror reel but yes the journey is never easy and I am not expecting it to be anything smooth further.
There was a time when my world was toys and games. Envying and fighting for the toys the other kid had that she would not share with me the first day she got the toy.
Then it became the pimples that would sprout once in a blue moon. Dont mistake me I NEVER HAD PROBLEM WITH PIMPLES but it was not having them, that was my issue. I considered having pimples a sign of maturity. All teens had them except poor me.
Then came the boys. How to attract a boy was then my big on the list?
I wish I was again back to my childhood. Yes, I enjoyed enough that I dont have any regrets. I also had my share of problems. But it was a bliss to have childhood.
I have moved on from the lagoon to stream to river now. I find rowing through the river a little bit more hard than previously. I am in the process of building a ship or something for myself and, yes, now it includes my teeny tiny JoAnna. The Ever Busy Body. I am glad to have her for the ride. She makes my journey purposeful and less difficult.
See friend, the one thing you should know is that, this journey is not easy but if you have a straw to hold on for yourself, then grab on to it with your life. Let me tell you, that can make a difference.
I have not seen anyone without a refuge. I have seen many that deny that refuge. Life is a long-short journey. Collect as many jewels as you can in your path. Treasure them. Then when you dont have the energy to row on, go into the treasure box and pick each jewel one at a time and reminisce the good old days. As the fuel empties and your ship wear out you will gladly dissolve into the salt of the sea.
BON VOYAGE!!!!!!

Crazy Heart

2009-07-22T14:36:00.000-07:00

Wish I had more control over my feelings. I see so many people with tough heart. Nothing affects them. They dont care about anything. "I dont care" is their attitude. Wish I was also like that. I am very sensitive though this is very short lived. I get hurt easily also become happy very fast. One bad thing about me is I can never forgive anyone sometimes that includes me. I make a mistake I will never ever forget it. Wish I was better.

I want to be someone with a dont care attitude. If someone is hurt I feel the hurt more than them. Thats bad. I have so much worries of my own to worry about.
We are all made differently, that should be the reason.
I dont like people who have no concern for others. Yet I am always meeting and socialising with such people. Its no more like school days where we have the choice to choose friends.

For some people, Any fault in their life has justification but in another its a crime. They keep complaining about things in their life but does not want a solution for their problem. I think they enjoy complaining. I have to admit I do complain but I take decisions to solve my problems. We should stop complaining and start making good decisions. Get over the bad and move towards the sun.

I hate gossip. If you come to me with complains about someone else I dont consider you a human. I am not interested in other persons life,including yours. You want to share your problems with me thats ok. I can also pray for your well being, but please dont come to talk about someone else. I dont want your opinion on the other person. I dont want to know his secrets. His marriage. Nothing. Even when I dont want to hear these, people keep saying things and I have to listen many times. Thank fully I have a gift, I only hear what I want to hear and keep only that in my memory.

I met a man who said there are so many fans for you. hhahahahaha...I really wanted to laugh out loud when he said that. Wish I was in college. If someone would have told me then these lines, I would have been on clouds. But now life has taught me better. I walk on burning coal. Everyday I am scared about tomorrow and having fans is something laughable.

From one of my experience what I learned is that you should be extremely cautious when talking to an Indian male brought up in India. Most of them associate everything with sex. I have not had this experience in talking with 100s of American men. They dont hide, if they like you they tell you and if they dont they again tell you. There is no inbetween.

Over all dont you think our heart is a crazy heart! I dont know what I would do without this crazy heart. Many colors it has that is making my life memorable.

2009-07-19T18:19:00.000-07:00

Its been few days since I wrote something. I want to write about men and women. As kids female of the human species grow mentally faster than the men. A female child is more curious about sex than their male counterpart. Female matures faster than the male. That is the reason that many men in marriage are older than their wives. But age brings stagnation to the mental growth.
You must be wondering why I am writng this. I am always studying people around. and each day I learn new things.
Once women turn 30 plus they are more interested in care compassion and all those stuff than sex. But men of that age dont understand that language. If you smile at them they think its a sexual invitation. unfortunately they dont understand the woman psycology. A man of 40 generally would understand a woman of 38.

Vultures

2009-06-21T15:17:00.001-07:00

I wanted to write this for sometime now. Wondering how mean or selfish people can be. Few people were leaving office since their contract got over. It was not a fun day at all. We all know that as consultants we got to move on once our contract is done and look for another. But this market is tough. So we are always unsure whether we have a job later or not.
So as few of the colleagues were leaving I went to say goodbye. Seeing people crying and saying their good byes I was really overwhelmed and out of the crowd this man comes for a hug saying he is also leaving. Not in my senses I give him a hug and said bye. After that he says he is not leaving and laughs. I think it was the most evil laugh I have ever heard. As if I stole a hug hahaha.
I cant believe people take advantage of others in worse situations. Now I have the worse feeling for this guy.

Friend dont be like me. Always be on gaurd even in worse situation. Know that even when on death bed there are vultures who wait for your flesh. Be wise. I know sometimes our body does not react as fast as your mind. But practise, train your mind and your body to be equally sharp.

Please dont misunderstand me. I value a caring hug from anyone who is thinking the best for you. But someone taking advantage of it is horrible.

2009-06-05T20:45:00.000-07:00

Business Requirements
Test Plan
Test Cases
Test Execution
Issue Log
Defect Verification
Retest the test case
Sign off on the test case

Let me give you an example. I need a dress. I have something in my mind regarding the type of dress I want, the occasion or the purpose for which I want the dress, the size I would fit in etc. So I go with this idea to the tailoring shop.
I present the requirement to the tailor. Tailor puts the req into his book - the size is measured and a rough design is made.
This design and measurement is taken by Using this design he marks the cloth

I dont know about my job contract!!!

2009-06-05T20:02:00.000-07:00

Today few of my friends got contract extention while other, they did not get the extention at work. Few have already left and others getting ready to leave. The job market in USA is not good for now(06/05/2009). When there is requirement USCIS dont care where and what the consultant was and they approve H1 but since the market is very bad, they are not approving any H1bs and extension. They ask so many ridiculous things. They want the end client letter with so and so data. End Client is not interested in giving all these details. People here( Citizen) have no idea about this Visa processing and all that. As far as they are concerned, if its not you then another.
You have to see the faces of my friends(I am also in the same boat). They are all smiles outside but yelling and crying inside. I dont know how I can help.

Here in America, if your contract extends for another 3 months, we are like "Oh thank God, for another 3 months we dont have to worry". Then after 2 months we again start. Esp since the market is so bad we are more concerned else there would not have been this much of problem. I dont know if we need to worry like this in our motherland. Here we need Visa then extn then green card,oh one other thing JOB!. If we have not moved on this way, we will have to look for a job in our country. 2nd largest population, everyone an engineer, its not that easy to get a decent job. Here in America, if you get a job in McDonald's you can atleast pay your rent.

This place is really nice but only thing is everything needs to fall in place. Else we can end up crazy.
Some of my friends have their H1 rejected. Others are on bench for the past 8 months.
My baby is sleeping next to me. Looking at her face, sometimes I cry. I want to do good for her. I want to climb that ladder of success. I have her on my shoulder. She gives me all the more strength to move on.
I dont know if you are going to laugh at me for saying this, I believe a lot in God, I dont know much about religion but I personally have experienced His blessing. I am sure you must have to. So hope for a better tomorrow and keep yourself in prayer. This should help us all.
One more thing, Prayer alone will not help but your thoughts, deeds and also hardwork should be a good recipe to a good life.

For a newbie - first day at work

2009-06-03T17:45:00.000-07:00

Hi Friend,
Today I want to talk about what an office is like and what you should know and be prepared with before entering the office.
You get through an interview. Now you have to enter the office.

First day of work
The manager or whoever it is will come to greet you. Know that the first impression is the best impression. Please dress formal, when I say formal I am not saying you have to over dress yourself. At office you have to be presentable always. You dont have to be nervous, they are only humans and you are there to help your life,just like them. They will introduce you to all your team members. Also you will be shown around the office - cafeteria, the stationery etc., You will be given your id card.

Your desk
Ask for help desk phone.
You will be at a desk. Power on the system and look if your system is set for you. Ask for your id if you did not receive them. They will give you your temporary password. You can change it. Access your mail. Find out if its set for you. Look through the mails that have come for you. Remember, these mails are generally welcome mails. I had start to work on the first day itself. But they will give you time to understand the work system.

Never go to work thinking - If not this then I will look for another. You go to work to conquer it and prove yourself to you. You must set your standards higher than what others set for you.

Password - each system and organization has a set of rule when setting password. Mostly they be alphanumeric.

So now you have your id, mail set, check if you have your IM set (internal chat within the office). Call help desk to get the access.

Go through the office web to know more about the Company.

Now you are alone. So take a deep breath and take a walk. Go to the stationery, get your fax number, printer names (server\name) etc.

Sometimes your system may not be set to your printer. So map the printer and fax to your system. (Control panel-->printer-->add printer)

Always remember you are not lesser than anyone else. Also please be humble. I hate people who are haughty and people who think they are everything and everyone else should go behind them.

Some people they come extra formal the first day and then the next day in rags. This throws a bad impression on you.
Please be clean or at least wear a deodorant. Many of us Indians smell food (masala). America is not India where you have fresh air going in and coming. We live in apts where there is no proper ventilation. The food is filled in spice and our dress esp jacket has the strong masala smell.
Please use the office phone wisely. If you want to talk to friends about the rain in utopia, use your lunch time to do so. You are at work and they are paying you for your work. Use office stationeries wisely. Don't misuse them.
Always use please and thank you with everyone you are around with. At work avoid personal relationship. Remember this is a professional area and everyone wants to be at the top and they will do anything to get there. So be cautious. People who are not efficient will target you for your weakness. Always maintain a hi and bye relation.

Work
You must know your work or must be willing to put the effort to learn it. You should ask questions to understand the business. Remember you are to work along with people who must have been working with the business for ages. When someone is explaining to you something and you don't get it don't hesitate to ask. Before you start to work you should know what you are doing. Remember, no one is born with all the knowledge. One learns it over the years.
Caution : If you are here for the fun then please go back and give way to someone who really want it.

All the best on your career. Grasp as much knowledge as you can at your work.

Software testing

2009-05-31T14:26:00.000-07:00

Software Testing – The profession I chose.

If you type in software testing and Google, you will come across different materials giving a wide spectrum of details related to this topic. One must have a good knowledge about the terms and definition of things related to testing before entering in quality testing. For computer science students, testing is very easy.

But what one should know is software testing is a career that is very easy but if you are not interested in this, this can easily become monotonous and annoying to oneself, and also because of the false tag attached to the field. When you say “I am a tester” the response is often “Oh”. It’s because even a middle school student can do test analysis. It’s that simple.

A person wanting to get into this career must know one thing. TEST ANALYST IS BORN WITH THIS SKILL. It is a gift. This involves critiquing developers or architects work.

There is a lot of work involved in this.

You should know what you are doing i.e. you should know the Business – if you are testing a piece of work, then you should have a good knowledge on what that piece stands on.

When you say there is an issue. You should be able to substantiate your findings with solid proof. Nobody likes being criticized. You should always consider your developer a friend and not a foe. You are there to enhance the work and not to put the developer down. But that does not mean that he is going to consider your criticisms as something that would help develop his code a better one. He is going to defend his stand tooth and nail. This is where your knowledge on Business would come in handy.

No one should expect a test analyst to be an expert at the code. But you should have a good knowledge on the language you are working on. Or at least you should know the logic. This would let you understand better what the developer is talking about. Or incase you see the code you will understand what that code is written for.

You should have some knowledge on the system and the platform you are using.

You must have a keen eye. When you are writing a test case or executing one you should know why you are doing it. I have come across people who say “that s what my test case says so that why I am doing that” or “that s external to my test case so I don’t have to bother about it”. These people are here only for the job and they have no interest in the career. Such people are dangerous for this field.

A good architect, developer, tester plus requirement together can create wonders. Unfortunately, they are very difficult to find. Especially that’s true for testers.
There is a lot of fuss on Automation. Automation is good for regression testing but that also not so much. It’s good to know about automation but that s not the main criteria for testing. This is to help the tester to rerun the function.

Take testing as this. A Singer. Every one of us can sing but to be a singer you need to be born with the ability to sing. You should have a sense of Taal and Sur. The Test plan and Test cases are like the musical instruments. Now let’s take automation. It’s like the microphone. Automation is very expensive and so an Organization must properly decide on whether they really need the tool or not. Whether they want the in-house tool built or they want a license to an outside tool.

When looking back at the interviews that I underwent they were in no way capable of finding out whether I am a good tester or not. They will ask you few questions as to basics of testing and may be SQL. This in no way to let them know, whether you are getting a good tester or not. Only on seeing the work one can understand whether you made the right choice in selection or not.

I enjoy testing so much and I don’t know how to word it. Software testing is a field where you need to keep upgrading yourself. You need to have a good knowledge on various programming languages, data warehousing and different tools in the market. Mind you, not an expert but there is no harm in it. This is especially a requirement if you are a consultant. Each company will be using different packages.

In brief, a software tester is a given talent. Also, just because you are a critique does not mean that you don’t need to improve on this skill. You need to practice the skill productively. You need to be ready to learn new technology that comes in. Several materials are available on the net. You need to be proactive.

All the best.

the trouble we go through

2009-05-28T15:31:00.000-07:00

USA is a dream come true.
Here people cannot make any long term plans at all. Life is so uncertain here. I am talking about the Indians trying to root to here. Its not that easy as it seems. For some people everything falls into place but not for all. You know the life of consultants. Its tough. Esp if you are with a baby who is going to school. The number of people that we have go through. Don't think of working in USA without 1000 years of experience. Also you must have experience on all known and unknown tools. Only if you have these many things on your resume then only we will get through a small consultant, this is the start of the ladder. There will be more than one such middle vendors. Finally we get to the client. So the pay barely able to make the month. The next month is a mystery. At least this is my story.
I don't know if I came to USA with a dream but I really like this place. But its not easy to survive here. Many job contracts starts with 3 month contract, its very difficult to get an apt for 3 months lease. Many cheap affordable apt start at 6 month lease. So in case your contract don't extend you must be prepared to pay another 3 months rent or the lease breakage.
You find a good school for your kid and then what happens when the lease ends.
Anyone who is willing to take an uncertain life over no life in the native must try this.

Making the RIGHT choice

2009-05-24T05:35:00.000-07:00

I am turning 33 this year(2009). Within the blink of an eye time flew by. So much has taken place. Now I know who is the LUCKY person. Anybody who has a good parent(s) is the lucky one. As I said in another post, anybody can be a parent but to be a good parent is rocket science. Its not all of us blessed with have good parents. All parents are nice but only few of us know how to grow the kids in the right way. The child who has had such a parent is a blessed person.
Everyone has his own cross to bear but the way they carry it depends on how they are taught to. Sometimes because of our parents many of us are protected from the many problems in life.
As kids we are learning. I would say till the age of 15. Then we are to put into practice what we learnt. From the age of 15 decisions we make are crucial. What to study, what type of friends we need, what to wear, what to think, what we want to be, what we eat, what should be our belief etc.,If we made the right decision then we are set for good life.
The major decision in ones life is the career and then the marriage. If you make the wrong decision in any of these you should know you are not in a good position.
Career is needed so that you have a time table in life as you did have as a child. This disciplines your life. It also puts in challenges that are set by others, this helps you intelligence to grow.
Marriage, this brings you a partner whom you can share your life with. Someone who is there for you. Life is lonely without one of these. A person must have either a good career or a good marriage(as far as I believe). I am a workaholic. I like to learn and keep myself busy. I like the aspect of setting a table for my everyday living. You are lucky my friend if you have both of these or happy with one of them.
To achieve this you have to make the right decision. This decision is made over a period of time. What you want to be or whom you want to be is something we set our minds initially itself. If we don't know this end up in unhappy life.
Its too late for me. But we can teach our kids the importance of SOLID dreams. They should know what they want and how they are going to achieve this. Everyone has a will but not the way.
Making the right choices in life is what makes your life beautiful. Remember we live only once this life. We don't cross this path another (at least that is what we see).
All the best.

The news

2009-04-05T15:04:00.000-07:00

One year its the Katrina and the other year its recession! No matter what it is we loose lives. The other day a man in NewYork shot to death many people. Why? because his self esteem was low. People kill their family because they dont know how to survive this time. Mostly the killing is due to the ego on how to face the world. What are people going to say? How do I look at others in this situation? Its never "How or what way will I survive?"
If for a second,men think "What is the best way to SURVIVE?" they would not do this? I agree its easy to write things but reality is not so easy. Even when I have a problem I panic a lot. But then I give my all to God and think of the best positive way that I am going to handle the situation. Sometimes we come across situations that we cannot handle ourselves. We need to rest our head and let nature take its course than you taking a gun to others and yourself. Life is precious.
Its sad to see how things are moving. News has become a picture of the concentration camp. It has nothing more than unemployement, war and death.
We must give life a chance. Start helping others and oneself.
Know that you are not alone. Tell your ego to rest when it starts thinking the negative. My friends big mansion, BMW and Spa is not alone life. There are much better things that you can enjoy in life.

America losing identity

2009-01-01T05:38:00.001-08:00

I am so confused at what this country is turning into? Or was it always like this? I dont think so.
If you hear the name of the country India you think Hinduism as the religion. Gulf, Islam and America, Christians.
Except the USA, all other countries are what we imagine it to be . If you go to India, India is mostly the land of temples and their Gods. Gulf, strictly Islamic. I am not saying these countries dont have other religion, they do. But you can generalise these country to be the religion that they portray to the outside. They show no shame in using the name of their Gods in any function. They dont mind others using their Gods too unless its to do with converting the people. These countries respect other caste.
Now lets talk about America.
when someone speaks of America, what comes into you mind? Oh that Christian Clothless land. No offence! But other countries think this! When comparing India and gulf where women have to blanket themselves even in 200 degrees is awful. But the Christian land! You have to come here to know the reality. At my work I have my bible just like my cell phone, my baby s picture etc. People are like she is crazy. One day I was so tired at work, I was sitting at my desk and murmoured " Oh Jesus Christ" , Someone went and complaint " this girl uses Jesus s name!" but if anyone screams " Fuck you" everyone would laugh and enjoy.
They dont have an identity. Many dont believe in God. Many think they are scientific creation. They want to remove the saying "In God We trust".
People!, this country is losing it.
You should see the condition here. We have everything;car, house, food, everything you can imagine but no peace.
I used to think this land loves God no matter what religion you may belong. Unfortunately that s not the truth. They dont. If anyone says God! , they are "black listed".
I am surprised at the speed the country is moving to recession. The number of divorces, number of kids ready to be adopted, murder etc.
Your base is you God (no matter what religion you belong to). Leave them that believe they are scientific development or something. I am talking about the ordinary people. God is the base stone to our life. We have to go back to him. And know his existence. Its not very tough. Its easy to know this. Once you know your root all these problem will go away.
Its not a shame to say that you believe in God. Its not a shame to have peace in your life.
I am writing this on seeing a news "Barack Obama's choice of Rick Warren to deliver his invocation may lead to another controversy". Rick Warren is an evangelical pastor. So if he does use the name of Jesus Christ in the prayer that will offend the others. WHAT!
If I go to anyother country, they will use their God's name no matter what other religion may exist in the land. But this land which other outside think to be a christian land, who had leaders that trusted in God does not want to use the name
"Jesus Christ".
Lets leave Jesus Christ, even the word God they will try to erase from the dictionary.
where this is going to lead NO ONE CAN TELL but I believe ITS NOT GOING TO LEAD TO A SAFE ROAD for sure.
Note: I respect all religion. No offense intended to any God' s and belief.

Stop killing in the name of religion

2008-10-12T15:28:00.000-07:00

How much we have changed know! The world has changed a lot in our sight. Those of us are who are warriors and shrewed like King David can only survive here. Its really not that easy no more. I wish our grandmother EVE didnt eat that apple! We would have been in a different world now.
I was reading in Yahoo, in Iraq they are killing Christians. Dont these people know that they are killing their own. We all believe in different shapes and beliefs but are we not under the same sun. We breathe the same air, everthing the same.Just because some people call God "Almighty" others "Krishna"and others "Allah" does that make any difference? In our Bible God says " Let your belief save you". Why do we do this ? why do we kill others for all these. We dont see the reality. Are we crazy ?..You dont save someone by killing that person. If you think your belief is better than the other persons then make him understand if he does nt, let him live his life, why to kill? Do something about the pollution, poverty, orphans.
I was watching a friend. She has a lot of clothes( its nice, girls are crazy about it) but when she said I have a closet full..I dont know now where to keep these new ones. I was hurt so much. You have no idea how much I was hurt! If you already have a lot then use your money to help those who are dying from hunger.
I dont know if I will be like her if I had that much money. Since I dont have so much money I may be thinking that I should try to use money for those kids who are suffering and all. I can never be St Theresa but may be after I feel secure I want to help others also. Esp kids. I cant think of a world without helping them.
I wish all my friends would also help out.
We can never be like those great people who have dedicated their life for the poor and sick but something, a little can go a long way.
Anyways! where was I friend? Yes, killing others for the silly reason of religion. I AM ALSO AGAINST ABORTION. esp if its a married person doing this crime to a healthy life inside her. Please dont kill. Life is a blessing from God. Bear God and live.

a Scrap

2008-08-27T19:34:00.000-07:00

how we struggle to survive. I was looking around in my office. I see a lot things. Its new to me because of a lie. Since I work in USA, I work along with whites, Blacks and ofcourse us (I am a pure bred Indian. I was closely watching the scenario and seeing how much people do to please these whites to retain job. What all we do !ya its not bread and milk, its cold sweat that flows everyday like blood to keep our jobs intact. Noone know how long you are there in the seat. As long as we can we try. For that we will do anything. There are no genuine person out there, including me.
When I was younger..life was black and white for me but now I see that there are in between colors too.
I was against dowry but now I know without that there is no going about( atleast in Indian community). I know you are going to be offended by this but I mean it. Dowry does not mean the money that is given during marriage but there is a lot more to it. If I am from a poor family, I have an illness, I have a pimple-I am not worthy to be your bride. See this is also dowry. I used to say "I wont marry a man who ask dowry". I never met one who did not ask dowry..literally. Some lucky ones did end up with those men. but not the others. These lucky girls will ask "Who said there are no men who wont ask dowry?". C'mon..open your eyes and look outside your well !

I believed "Yours is the world"..now I know I am part of the world. I have to be a Roman in Rome. any Philosophy against this, keep it in your pocket!. You have to face what life throws at you. Think the big picture. Some of us are lucky but. They get what they want in life. I have seen that. But others they have to struggle.
I thought " Where there is a will there is a way". Now I know many of us will but way is very difficult. See the idiom applies only for brilliant kids in school...not all of us are rank holders, it applies to skilled workers..not all of us have that much skill.
Slowly life is passing by. I am 32 now. Life moves so fast. I feel it was yesterday that I was in school and college but its not. I learned a lot. But I cant go back apply the learned formula again in my youth. I will learn new things when I get old but I dont know where I will apply.
I learned one thing though that makes sense..lives lessons are just lessons learned. Very few of us get to apply it again.So just go with the flow.
I dont know where I am going with this blog...

Are you the MOTHER ?

2008-08-27T19:12:00.000-07:00

I havent keyed anything lately. I was talking to my college friend Visu and then he said "Jessa I was going throught your Blog....". It is then I realised I havent written anything lately.
So many things to write. Happenings in life are like waterfall from all around you, dont know from where to start.
I have to confess, I hate lying. Just hate it. In life I have lied twice. Atleast, thats all I can remember. Both the times to survive. Not to hurt anyone or take away anything from anyone. Just to survive.
You know, just as I have mentioned in my other blog, life is full of ups and downs. It is more downs when you dont have direction in life.
I am writing this mainly for you and me, esp if you are a parent like me. You are lucky if you had a wonderful upbringing. But if you didnt and is like me who had to struggle all through life then join the club.
I keep telling myself.."what happened to me should not happen to my kid". You know, I had no one to give me directions when I was growing up. Because of which even today I am learning the maps. I had to take the twist and turns in raw sense. I was a very bright kid with a lot of potential(I am not boasting)but didnt know how to use it. There was no one to show me the way. I was good in singing, talent was discouraged. I was good in dancing, dancing was for Hindus (I respect all religion and beleive there is only one God)or for Micheal Jackson. I was a good athlete, but sports was shunned. I did not have any basics in subject(school) and had no one to train me (a kid needs to be taught A B C). I got lost in the traffic.
Our kids should'nt have to go through what we went through. They need direction. We need to learn from our mistakes and injuries, and teach them so that they will have a better life.
It easy to destroy a life but very difficult to give life.
Woman, carrying your child nine months is a very easy task but making a successful person out of your child makes you the MOTHER.

advice

2008-01-02T11:03:00.000-08:00

we live in a very dramatic world. all of us are different.lately i was talking with a friend of mine and he was correcting my mistakes. he is a very nice person and i respect him a lot. what he was saying was very true. he told me, jessa, u are still living as though in college. u talk friendly, u ridicule others like we are all in college. people are not like that anymore they think more than twice before saying anything. yes its true. now we cannot find anyone that friendly. the best times are the times we had in our college days. now we cannot talk to anyone. most of us put on a mask and talk only those things that makes no sensse. no one is ready to help unless they have something to gain. people loose their sense of humour as they grow old. he was teling me thats he was sorry that he teased me when in a gathering. my god! i didnt even remember that he teased me then. i never thot of it but he remembered. it never bothered me at all. i took it in a very nice sense. i wish i meet friends who are like those in my college days. the irony in all this is that my friends are all the same no one has changed so much even today, yes we have a lot of worries as a life pakage,but the others whom i meet as i travel around seems to be very very sensitive. may be its the crowd i choose, that is wrong or maybe its me. if a girl tells a joke then its wrong, but if a man does the same he is smart. ya i know i shud be cautious when talking.

we are all so uptight. we dont mingle with others. in the next place i move to, at work and else, i hope and pray i meet people who are more free and happy than those people who are all sensitive to all that is said sportively and analyze on each and every word that is said.

again life!

2007-10-16T10:13:00.000-07:00

life come at you fast. you dream big but for some reason things just tumble down.
my friend! has it ever occured to you?
well it has for me many times. we make many many plans, but God has to propose it.

sometimes God proposes it not at our time but later.
yes, it hurts very very deep within us. there are times i felt- why, what is the purpose of this kind of a living? but then once the episode s over i see another light. i move towards that.
yes i know its very painful and difficult to overcome but its not impossible. life is not easy, never. but those who win over; theirs is the victory theirs is the crown. they are legends- the real heros.
i bow my head to them.

life is

2007-09-18T14:55:00.000-07:00

i some times wonder, y life is like this? or, is it my life alone upper walla has screwed up? or maybe i srewed it up myself? i may never know..i cannot understand ur bruise, neither can u. i feel mine hurts more than urs but i know its not true , unfortunately, this silly heart of mine cannot seem to understand. i wish i was like the person whom i know..she sees the person below her and goes "see jessa, look (how or what) at that person, what he is going thru. how lucky we are ". hell with it. i just cant seem to be like her.
is ur life like mine 10:1(sorrow:happiness)ratio? one day sunshines into my inner self the next 10 or more days its cloudy sometimes a tempest. why?
i am like a volcano. have u seen one? the sight is awesome. its surrounding is beautiful ,full of life but inside baby its another story !
may be your life is also like that, but this kambakth dhil cant understand. but i do sympathise with you. its not that i dont understand u..believe me i do.
hope god is merciful to us...i am not asking for bed of roses but a rose that flowers and not the one that is just with leaves and thorns.
life is not easy i know, but i dont want it this hard.
hope we have a better shot in this lifetime itself than having to wait another coz i believe only in the current since i dont know about the next second.
wish me luck as i do for u.
love u friend.
jessa.

how much i miss u

2007-08-01T22:23:00.001-07:00

my daughter is gone to india with her dad. she is 4. she wanted to go so since its with her father i let her now when on the phone she cried i am miserable. its my heart its beating at a killer speed. i know she is alright still...i am here in usa and she is in india and i feel so helpless from here. distance makes life miserable.

life

2007-05-11T13:22:00.000-07:00

life is full of colours. i think thats what makes it more beautiful. i see a lot of us out there each with a story. some of us have everything some of us nothing. and many of us in between. it is the inbetween that suffer a lot. there is a lot to learn from each individual i meet.
life can be very harsh on many of us. a bitter sweet tragedy. those who are ready to come out of it they will make the world colourful and those who could not they are forgotten even by the dust.
each day i pray "God give me the strength". when a tsunami hits with no warning what can you do ? if you are to live you will else what?
nothing or to be precise many things in life comes without a warning. it depends on whom it hits.
i wish i was a learner than the one to experience it.
i will never give up but fight and win God by my side.

what is life ?

2007-03-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

a friend asked me to think about "what is life ?". wow its only a 3 word question but to reply to this is impossible unless and until you know who you are. it would have been very easy to answer this question, to myself first, if i understood the mystery behind the purpose for which i was made to put on this fancy dress(see the previous post). i wish i was wise enough to decipher the purpose. once i know what my life is all about i would try to enter the maze and find my way out and claim victory. most of us, we are born, we go through some problem, there are emotions shed, and later, close our eyes with a feeling that, our purpose is not fulfilled. feeling incomplete. have you ever felt that ? esp, when you go visit people in their death bed. their eye seem to tell us "i still have nt finished my work " this is because he did nt figure out the purpose of his life or he did not do things as expected.
its like the bible saying, each of us are given some talents. the man with 10 made 20 ,with 5 made 10 and the man with 1 buried it. something like that. many of us fall under the last category.
we all grow up, marry, have kids, job etc but we still have nt influenced others in the right path.
for example we are given a talent to sing, have we used it help others enjoy the voice and have we used it to make them happy or something like this.
LIFE IS A TREASURE FILLED WITH WONDERFUL GIFTS. its for us to open the chest and share it and multiply it, unfortunately many of us dig aroung the chest, some open and then close it, scared if someone would take it away. its a pity what we are doing, WELL BECAUSE OF THIS, KUDDOS! LIFE GOES ON..we are again made to purchase the cloth from the body shop and come back to fulfill the purpose,again in the journey we forget to fulfill the same and cycle goes on. hahahahaha...!

"I"

2007-03-21T15:15:00.000-07:00

you know, from my perspective the actual thing called the person lives inside this body.you call jessa is the identity of the person who lives inside. when i will die you wont call my body that i will leave behind jessa but you will point to it and say "look thats jessa's dead body(corpse)". i feel many times this body is only a dress that we wear. somewhere, sometime ago we must have gone shopping and purchased this body from a place like sears kohl's etc.. the actual person lives inside.

some of our dresses are really pretty to see but are we really that beautiful or something different. is our outer dress a disguise ? i mean once our breath stop is there another realm we move to. for me the skeleton s all the same, useless. i mean look at us how beautifull we are when there is life, if its not there the body left behind is a corpse of the person who used it. dont you find it a little curious.
my friend look inside ur body. who is this "i" we talk about. this "i" is the real person. this "i" is the life. this "i" knows more than you think. this is strange but its true.
first thing we have to do is let "i" know "i". everyone knows what they are, i mean beyond the looks beyond ur abilities. we personally know what we are. people say many things about you but only you know what you are.
its no coincedence that we meet others, with some we fall in love, with some people we associate ourselves, thats because the inner self wants to. the inner one knows the other person inside. any person i meet on this journey and love i have always had some good connection with in some part of my life.

y is jesus disrespectful to his mother?

2007-02-08T09:43:00.000-08:00

i am a christian. there are certain things that linger in my mind. so many unanswered questions. i have asked these questions to many, nobody could answer them or they just rejected the question saying this is satanic( these are blind believers).i dont believe having a doubt or asking a question is bad. its the best way to learn the truth.as you read the bible the more confused one gets firstly because its not complete secondly there are a lot of contradictions. and there is no proper records.my questions that are unanswered are :1. there is no record of jesus being related to david...i mean how can anyone miss this..there are many places in the bible even new testament that says he is the descendant of david. but no records supporting the same so now people come up with the lineage indirectly conecting mary joseph etc...how did such an info get missed. it should have been recorded..i dont think god wanted that to be a mystery like that in revalations.2. why was jesus disrespectful of his mother throughout the scripture which is so opposite to the teachings....no matter what people are going to put out as explanation they are not going to justify the behaviour. in no passage was he loving to his family as to his disciple. there s no evidence to the love he had for his family, i mean he is jesus and he should have set an example. bible depicts a picture of an ordinary man who was horrible at home but was great around his friends. through ot the scripture there s no record of even mary ever praising jesus infact she is surprised at his behaviour when he goes missing for 3 days and is found in the temple..this incident is very strange to me from both sides...which parent would be that careless as to not notice their son missing for 3 days..from this i see that from as a child jesus was not very close to his family and vice versa. and i am surprised at the expression of the parents..they did not understand what jesus said..there was nothing that he said un-understandable esp for a child like him who was from god..still they found it strange...
i feel scared to even think this thought i agree miracle s happen god is capable of doing wonders and i firmly believe from my life god is evrything and you earnestly ask him something god will give it to you. each day i am thankful to god for my existence..but these questions do pester me a lot...i mean from the behaviour of the family to jesus and vice versa they behaved as if he was not loved for some reason as a son should be. i mean which parent would not notice their child missing for 3 days. jesus was offended when mary asked him to turn water into wine..i mean i agree it was not his time to show sny moracle may be but the way he told his mother was very harsh like any kid of this day would do but he was jesus he was suppose to say "my mother its not the time" but he didnt seem to have said this way. i understand that mary knew her son very well that she believed her son was capable of doing something miraculous to make the event graceful.
even at the end, on the cross he was kind to the prisoner in his words than to his mother. why is that so? there is no way of knowing the answer to all these questions except believe that the writer had something to do with the writing or the interpreters made some mistake..something went wrong somewhere..because seeing the nature and the teaching of jesus christ he surely must have loved his mother and respected her more than anything. because he is jesus christ and he lived a godly life on earth whatever people say or write there should have been a strong family relation between the mother and son else the basic foundation of christianity will be no existent.
i know many will have some solution but i dont want any made up stories. the bible is a guide for living well not for solving puzzles..(exception-revalation)

why is it like this ?

2007-01-25T08:57:00.000-08:00

i love being a woman. the best gift god could ever bestow a human with. we have everything gifted to us for a normal survival (not exactly made for war and other turmoils). we are curved, very strong mentally(which is why we live longer than our men)...i love all of this but.....

those days are horrible. i have ,thank god, never experienced pain even for my delivery not even a little( the birth of unni was the best) but the mental thing that i ve to go through during these days, they are horrible. some months, i am very very happy, loving and caring man! i am the best. i love this feeling. i love being happy and making others feel like a human for ones( i am by nature a horrible critique..i dont know if its becoz i am a virgo but i hate it...), i am the best. but it s those other days i am worried about..those days when i turn to be a witch,- i hate everything around me, everything irritates me, i get irritated and angry(i rather wish i cried than went violent). even the minutest thing will hurt me( my hubby finds this the best time to pick on me...beleive he gets enough and more for it if on one of these days he would want to argue....pavam he is the best but, he is a nut for not understanding me during these times...especially even after 5 years of marriage...so you can understand how smart he is or is it that all men are like that. )

girls out there , trust me when i tell you this, physical pain is 1000 times better than this mental unstability. atleast people will know you are hurting but these even you dont know how you are going to react.....man! i wish i had physical pain than these mental issues. you know! during these horrible time you dont know what you say and the other person would nt know the problem and that breaks the friendship....it happened to me ...i had a very nice friend whom i used to confide to..unfortunately, there was an issue regarding the party and i got pissed, i mean the issue was so very small, very minor but i blew it out of proportion really badly and said things to him and his wife which i would never ever do in the normal state..i cant go appologize for what i said they will never understand any of it....once a thread is broken its always going to have a bump even if u tie it so i never tried to...

i mean, man! this is horrible. u can think nothing and even if u say something it will be foolish my god i wish i had the physical pain...lucky all of you out there who has physical pain than what i have to go through. crying is also fine i would that is great than what i go through.

how i missed you ?

2007-01-12T14:24:00.002-08:00

i am sorry my friend.

i always felt misplaced in life be it in school, college, or anywhere. i am still searching for myself within me. in this race i may have forgotten to notice you. its my mistake i accept it but its not because i dont care for you..i deeply do but i was always searching for something still am. it was my mistake that i did nt realise you were standing nextg to me telling me i am here for you. i regret what had happened.

i was raised by my gran she was a kind but i had my niche built with her in kerala when my parents left me with her. i dont remeber seeing my dad as a kid just my mom who would come in between with lots of chocolate, nail polish and things and again leave me with my grans but then i flew to gulf it was a dream come truebut slowly i started feeling the heat..the syllabus was tough for a state student the language was english a foreign one for a village girl infact all was different kids treated me as a trash i cud nt tell this to my parents since i feared they would let me go back to the abusive life in kerala. so i kept to myself and tried to learn the culture with the language. i became a true gulfian i started to forget about kerala in trying to fit into there. i had trouble in everything studies, life style everything but i mastered it all by myself in such small age. i had a terrible family.

as soon as i did that i had to go back to kerala , i did my pre in tvm ivanios . it was again another struggle trying to adjust to the crowd there. i wanted acceptance there. it was a very tough life style for a kid from the gulf esp the tuition. i had to get up at 5 30 to start the day and it went on till eve 6 pm man this was very tough for me and so many things like this. i was studying in a place where we had classes from 8 to 12 30 pm and the rest of the day was ours , we played ball and jumped about but here the girls wud resign to sitting in class and gossiping my god i was lost.
in this race my friend i met you. but i have no idea how things came to this. i never knew what your feeling was. nothing is registering in my head. its not your fault my friend but mine i dont get people s feeling easily thats y i am where i am today.
my friend if i hurt you in anyway i know i must have for you to remember all the things i am deeply sorry i never meant to hurt you. i always wish the best to all i meet.
there must have been something that must have triggered the way i responded but i dont know what.
with all my heart i am sorry my friend.
i am sorry.

nothing

2006-12-28T20:31:00.000-08:00

as we grow older our innocence also goes i dont where..the world becomes a very complex puzzle. in school we could fight with our friends and we have a big fight and the next minute we are friends again but not anymore, a small difference of opinion or a slip of tongue however close you are thats it. there ends the realtion. then there the others you have no idea of...one day they are like wow the next day you dont know what happened we never see them. then there are the other who never leave. why is it very complicated as we grow older. the relatonship is supposed to get easier but na they become more complex. nothing in life s the same.
you got to worry when moving along with our age or older they are always judging us and we are doing the same. but when we were younger we were busy enjoying everything around that we got very little time to complain or judge another.
if growing is what this is then its better to be a kid itself. i am not an escapist but when grow as an adult we are to progress but we dont we can argue a lot but thats the truth.

parenting

2006-12-22T09:28:00.000-08:00

i hear people screaming esp in US(Indians)...its very dificult to grow kids right, here in the US..i ask, dont they have good kids here?...i am sure they do..its the technique that u use to develop the kid that matters.
i keep watching kids their moves, language etc...as kids they are just reflection of their parents...some of them very shy( parents very protective...dont give confidence to the kids), some kids very smart unfortunately parents are ready to do everything for them...there is one lady here, her daughter, she is extermely very smart...she comes for dance class along with my daughter...i tell u that kid is very smart for her age but each time a new step is taught in class, before the teacher can give instructions, the mother barges in i will teach her at home...i mean this unknowingly is going to form a thought in the mind of the kids MY MOM WILL DO FOR ME. this is good in many areas but not much as it s going to hamper the kids confidence...
parenting is not an easy skill as giving birth to a child ...you dont need 24/7 attention to the kid esp after 3...but when u watch watch carefully..and learn about ur child...many of us parents dont really know our kids y b'cos we dont give PROPER attention when needed...
i see parents wanting the kids sing on stage dance on stage etc when the kid has absolutely no talent in...they dont really see what the child is good at..
its the responsibility of the parent to discover his child and develop the child accordingly. its in reality very easy if u r sharp and watchful and has a desire to grow ur child healthy.
what ur child id is what u have put in as manure to him as a child....all of us are what we were brought up as.....we are first reflection of our childhood...so parents have to take very good care to grow the kid well...its a huge great responsibility....please use it cautiously if u want a healthy happy adult....rememeber ur kids key is in ur hands till she or he is 13..till that time u help develop her well...

the boiling blood

2006-12-20T08:45:00.000-08:00

i am an optimist..a major one. but as time pass by i am toning down. as a young girl i was out to capture the whole world. i would feel that i can do anything, there was nothing that could stop me. i never realised that there are things beyond our control that could write our destiny. now i know how much ever we try there is something called our fate line that drives us.

as a young girl i wanted to be everything. i knew i had the drive, the courage, and the power to be. i was always flying on horse back. but as i grew older i knew i had travel along with the wind, it was too strong to fight against. i made some wrong decisions and god made some for me..

when i look back what i was and what i am now is as different as the day and the night. my sister tells me what we are today is what we aspired to...well i never wanted tb...i never aspired to be here all locked up from all sides...may be the path i took might have been wrong but i am ready to correct it..but how ? i have no knowledge. where to start ? no idea...but i know one thing i will come out again flying on my horse back this time for real...

yep golmaal

2006-12-19T08:45:00.001-08:00

as the title says life - a golmaal...atleast i know my life is. where i started and where i am now. been through a lot and still going strong in a rollacoaster. man! when will it stop? i know my life and its problems are nothing when compared to yours darling, but i see urs like the moon in the sky and mine as the ant through a magnifying glass. well thats me.
my life revolves around two things my sister and my daughter..i know nothing else and want nothing to do with anything else.
i wish i had a job because now i get up blank nothing to look forward to. i hate leaving my brain idle. it has nothing to think of , nothing prepare for, nothing, nothing at all. i just float with the time and i have no control over it.
you know i make so many plans i draw chart for executing it unfortunately something, a force, drives it away. great astro s say its the star i am born in..i ve always been fighting with fate..lives been a struggles and a lot of it. i sometimes wish i cud tear myself into a hulk but thats all in movies here on earth we cant do that..no matter what happens we have to put on a sweet costume and on that put a make up called smile....
i ve made a lot of friends and few enemies but i cud never make a close friend..i ve always been traveling places and i am not a person into site seeing. i like to have friends and be with them have fun unfortunately i have never stayed in a place long enough for that. the worst thing is you come from one culture to another and when you are almost accustomed to it you move to another meaning you have nothing of any..a wagabond a nomad horrible atleast they move in groups so they just have to adjust to climate but me to everything...
its been a long journey from the dot to now but still i have nt met you my part where are you how will i know you..are you out there or gone to make a home for us in paradise....dont you think its high time to reveal yourself ???